YAY I did it!

Yep, got off my butt from the computer yesterday & jumped straight onto the xtrainer.  Managed a good half an hour.  Will try for longer today!!  Have been reading "The Hunger Games", and find it easily to get lost in a book whilst on the xtrainer, so the time just slips away.
Started tracking again today.  Now to tackle the water.
Onwards & downwards....

Sick.Of.It!!!!

Wow, it's been so long since I have posted, that Blogspot have changed all their features, so it is all a bit new & strange to me trying to work out how to post!!!!
Anyhow, over 3 weeks have passed, and it's been school holidays.  We spent a week at our Caravan in Cobram over Easter.  Callum turned 11 years old, and had a sleepover party with 8 boys staying the night.  Fun. Not!  We had a lovely wedding to attend in the Dandenongs.  And I have eaten & drank my way to a 2.1kg gain in that time.  No excuses.  No reasons.  Just because.

And as the title of this post reads, I am sick of it.  Just sick of being unable to get motivated.  Sick of being fat.  Sick of the way I look.  I just cannot find that bloody mojo.  Where is it hiding?  Oh where, oh where can it be?!?  Each day I wake up with renewed enthusiasm, and by lunchtime, I have given up tracking & can't be bothered exercising.  Water?  Who's drinking water?  Not I!
But the most frustrating thing is I KNOW that I can do this.  And I KNOW how good I feel when I am "in the zone".   It is driving me crazy because I know that my 40th Birthday, the Bali trip & the 200km bike ride are all in just over 5 months, and if I want to achieve anything, then I need to start now.

Hmmmm, just typing this out right now has stirred something in me.  I need to start today.  Right this second I need to get off this blog & get on that Xtrainer.  And track.  And drink my water.  I can do this!  

Watch this space.......

Callum's 11th Birthday Party, with his cool Burger cake!

Hubby & I at the wedding last weekend.

Tears & Tantrums, and an Anniversary!

It's been a ridiculously busy week.  And somewhere in there, hubby and I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary.  And how did we celebrate it?  We went to the school fete.  Ho hum.  And then had a fight that resulted in hubby going to bed early, and me drinking a bottle of wine whilst on the couch with a block of chocolate.  Oh dear!
Anyway, tensions have been high this week, and I have had more than a few days of tears & tantrums.  Unfortunately the kids have copped the brunt of it, and it has made me have a good hard look at myself and ask if I have been sinking back into the depths of depression.   I don't think so.  I am just currently feeling exhausted (still not 100% from the Vertigo) and extremely overwhelmed.  The kids after school activities are definitely taking a toll on my patience, and I just seem to have to be rushing everywhere & not have any time for myself.  It is extremely frustrating & making me VERY grumpy.  Discussions on quitting my job, and other alternatives have come up between hubby and myself (sometimes not very nicely), and we have decided today that perhaps we should get a fortnightly cleaner, just for a few hours to help ease the burden.  We'll give it a try & see how go!  Fingers crossed....
Anyway, Weight Watchers this week has been going great on the weekdays, but I went a bit overboard on the weekend with wine & food.  I did count ALL the points for everything that I ate & drank, which is something I haven't been doing, so that's one good thing to come of this week.  I have also managed to get on the xtrainer nearly every day.  And with my efforts came a loss of 1.9kgs this morning at my meeting.  Fantastic result, but I have to keep in mind the gain of 3.2kgs I had last week.
So now comes the big battle.  I'm not weighing in for 2 weeks due to the Easter holidays & us going away.  I have to keep up with the exercise - xtrainer when I am home, and we are taking our bikes away with us, so lots of riding planned.  I need to drink WATER at every opportunity, and TRACK TRACK TRACK even if I can't weigh everything I eat whilst away, I can estimate to keep my going.  And I need to keep away from the Easter egg chocolate & hot cross buns (my favourite dropping with butter!).
So, onwards & downwards......

No Looking Back.....

Feeling so much better, although not yet 100%, and was able to make it to work over the weekend.  Was also able to make it to a work dinner at The Melba Restaurant at The Langham Hotel on Southbank in Melbourne.  Wow, what a dinner it was!  A beautiful a la carte smorgasbord, complete with sushi made to order, Indian naan bread cooked fresh to order, seafood galore, Peking duck pancakes made to order, full carvery, and a mini dessert selection, complete with chocolate fountain, to die for!!!!  I didn't give WW a thought, and here's a picture of my dessert plate, as I wanted a taste of everything.  I didn't eat it all of course, but must admit, the Creme Brûlée was AMAZING!!!

That night I went to bed and was unable to sleep due to my aching belly.  Piggery at it's greatest, and definitely not something I will want to repeat in a hurry.  I wasn't surprised when I weighed over 2kgs heavier in the morning after plates & plates of food!!!

Footy training started for my eldest son on Monday night, and I found it extremely hard to get out of the car once we were there.  The group of Mums I hang out with during footy season were so encouraging of me last year & the year before & the comments they gave me about how good I looked are something I remember vividly.  TO say I was embarrassed for them to see me 20+kgs heavier is an understatement.  As I got back in the car after training, I closed my eyes for a minute and made a mental note to remember that feeling.  Whenever I start to get off track again, I need to draw on the feeling for inspiration.  It was a terrible & gut wrenching feeling of shame & embarrassment, and I want to remember it ALWAYS.

I managed to get to my WW meeting yesterday, and was a little shocked my gain was so high.  3.6kgs!!! WTF!?!?!  Okay, I know I would have had a gain after that dinner on Sunday night, and of course I haven't tracked my food for 3 weeks, but 3.6kgs?!?!  WOW.  I was astounded.  And disappointed.  And ashamed.  Again!

This time in March last year, I weighed 22.1kgs less.  God, I felt fantastic.  I'm devastated!

Anyway, as I expressed my dismay when stepping off the scales yesterday, the WW assistant who was weighing me said something that made an impact.  "Don't look back.  It's in the past.  Look forward".   I got home & jumped on the xtrainer.  I made sure I walked to Kinder for the pick up of my 4yo.  And then I walked to school to pick up my kids, which was no easy feat - 45min round trip, pushing a double pram loaded with scooters & helmets for the older kids on the way there, and then loaded with school bags on the way home.  Today I am feeling it all over - even in my tummy muscles!  And I love the feeling!!!!

So, I have to remember, I may have many bumps in the road, and will just think of this last year as a BIG bump - getting off track with hubby being depressed about his working life, then trying to eat & drink my way through dealing with my Dad's cancer.  And then the last couple of weeks I've had a bump with sickness.  But, I can do this.  And I am going to do this.  I will take it one day at a time, and string my good days together to form good weeks with good losses.  And then will string my weeks together to form good months, and I will watch the kilos fall away.  I am not looking back....

Onwards & downwards.....

Vertigo...

The virus I have had had lead to an inner ear infection, that has caused vertigo, so I have been out of action for 10 days now.  Hubby has had to take the week off work as I've been unable to do anything due to dizziness.  I've just ventured between the bed & couch.  Walking & standing has made me dizzy & nauseous.  Such a bloody frustrating illness to have!  The prognosis from the doctor was it could take 4-6 weeks to improve!!!
So, I've had a week off work, been unable to do the 2 big bike rides we had planned last weekend, and eating has been TERRIBLE!  Such a wasted shame on my part as I've had no appetite, so it could have been a perfect opportunity to drop some KGs, but no, I sunk back to what I do best - eating crap to try & make me feel better.
The upside is that today (Friday) I am feeling better, and I am absolutely RARING to go with exercise & WW.  I'm tempted to jump on the xtrainer today, but I am wanting to return to work tomorrow, so don't want to overdo things.
Good news also today that hubby has raised his $2500 to partake in the Cure to Conquer Cancer ride, and I have so far raised $950.  Just so frustrated that I can't get people to dig into their hip pockets for this!!  What is wrong with some people!?!??!

Anyway, hopefully next week I will be 100%, and be able to get to my WW meeting for an official weigh in.  Onwards & downwards......

Sick, and No Weigh In....

I am still sick with this bloody virus.  Thankfully, the kids are all better though.  Therefore I didn't make it to my meeting & weigh in, so I'm not going to officially post a figure.  I am using my home scales as a guide, but will only post "official" weight as per the WW scales.
I am just feeling so lethargic & horrid, and can't wait for this to pass.  All I want to do is lay on the couch in front of the TV or sleep.  Terrible!  I just want it to hurry up & pass so I have some energy.
Back to tracking, and will be back on board with exercise soon once I feel better.  Will up the water intake today as well.
Onwards & downwards......

Time to Pull My Finger Out!!

It's been a hectic week & a half, which is why I haven't posted lately.  Since my last post, I had the best weekend meeting the WW girls.  We all just "clicked" straight away & spent a lovely weekend eating & drinking in the Melbourne CBD.  I am lucky to have met such wonderful women, who I count as some of my closest friends.  After all, they know so much about me after all these years!!  And what an effort some of them made to get here - from New Zealand, New South Wales, ACT, Queensland & around Victoria.  Amazing, and I am truly so lucky to have found these girls!!!
Anyway, Febfast is now over, although I did drink on the Saturday night of the catchup.  I didn't do Febfast as a fundraising drive like last year, just for myself really.  I am putting all my fundraising efforts into the Cancer ride.  We had an orientation session for the ride last week, and it has made me so excited about it.  I've so far raised over $700!!  Only $1800 to go.  I'm still amazed at what tight arses some people can be.  It's for a fantastic cause AND it's a tax deductible donation!  What the hell is wrong with people!?!?  I look at the people I work with, who buy takeaway once or twice a day, not to mention takeaway coffees, and they can't spare $10-$20?? I just don't get it!  I must admit, it does make me furious, as I ALWAYS donate when friends ask me to.
So, the week after the girls' weekend, I failed to track.  I failed to exercise.  I failed to drink water.  And I had a loss of 200gms at last week's weigh in.
This week, I have failed to track.  I have failed to exercise.  And I have failed to drink water.  I've just felt terrible the last week - exhausted (working too much!!!) and run down & generally unhappy.  My oldest & youngest boys have come down with the virus that is going around - headaches & fevers, and today I have woken up with it as well, and as an added bonus, TTOM arrived to boot!  Joy!  The only good thing is I have no appetite!!!
Anyway, as the title of this post reads, it's time to pull my finger out.  200gm losses each week for the last month is just ridiculous.  I need to get serious.  So, as soon as I feel well again, it's back to tracking 100% of the time, and back to the xtrainer/bike riding, cause before I know it October will be here with my Bali trip & then the 200km bike ride, and I need to shed this weight before both of those occasions!

Onwards & downwards....

Surprise, Surprise!

What a surprise & a relief to have a loss of 200gms at my meeting this morning.  I ate nearly 50 points over my weekly total this last week (plus all my exercise points!!), all because I was trying to self sabotage myself.  Of course, I know now that if I had of continued on my merry way of eating within points, I would have had a massive loss!  Why do I do it?  Argh, so frustrated with myself!!
Anyway, back on track & will ensure I stay UNDER my points this week.  I am now weighing at 120.8kgs, so next week I want to be under 120.   There are just under 33 weeks til we go to Bali, so I could well & truly be in the 80s by then, and Goddam it, I plan on being there!!!  I cannot imagine how good that would feel.
It's Day 23 of Febfast (no alcohol) and I will be buying myself a leave pass for this Saturday night.  Yes, I know, defeats the purpose of fasting for the month, but I have the WW girls' weekend, and I'm not drinking Friday night, just Saturday night.  Cannot wait for it.
Going to continue with my daily exercising, and hopefully we'll have time for a family bike ride on Saturday morning before I head out to lunch with the WW girls.  If not, will just have to make do with the xtrainer.
Have been forgetting to take photos of some of the yummy low fat meals I've been making!  Had a delicious leek & potato soup (WW recipe) last night as it was Ash Wednesday, so no meat.  I sneaked a zucchini & a whole cauliflower in it as well.  I always try to sneak extra veg in where I can with the kids!  Although not a practising Catholic, my kids attend a Catholic school, so I am trying to keep within the guidelines of the Church.  It's now Lent, so no meat on Fridays, which I see as a good opportunity to get us eating more fish & seafood in general.  Yum!  Turkey burgers with salad tonight on the menu.  Double yum!
Speaking of low fat food (not), I've just polished off an iced donut & a coffee.  6 points for the donut, and I wanted it, so had it.  The beauty of WW.  I'm having left over soup for lunch (3 points).  And will be getting on the xtrainer shortly as well as going for a walk.
Feeling very positive & motivated...  Onwards & downwards....

Self Sabotage... Why oh Why?!?!?!!?

Why, oh why do I let myself get misguided by a little loss when I have worked so hard!  I have had the mindset this week of eating too much - using all my weeklies & exercise points!  Because last week I didn't use my weeklies & I only lost 200gms, that evil voice in my head just told me I might as well use the weeklies anyway!  So, I've used them all, and some!  And now I am in deficit of points, and need to work my arse off on the xtrainer the next 2 days to see if I can make up some of the points.  Mind you, I am still eating, exercising & drinking water, just using up way too many points!  Why the hell am I doing it to myself?!?!?
Exercising has been going fantastically.  I've been getting on the xtrainer each day, except for on the weekend when we went for some lovely long bike rides.  I've missed bike riding, and both hubby and I really enjoyed it.  Saturday I took the trailer with the 2 little ones (well, not so little really!!!) in it, and it nearly killed me dragging that up hills.  On Sunday, it was just hubby & I and our 10 year old, and we had the other kids minded.  It was such fun, although hard work in the heat (30+ degrees!).  We have a really great bike riding trail from our house along the coast, and it was just so enjoyable.  We're planning on making it a regular weekly ride, and hope to increase the distance each week.  All in preparation of the BIG Cancer ride in October.  Really looking forward to it.
Only 3 sleeps until I meet up with the WW girls I've befriended over the net.  Starting to get really nervous about finally seeing these lovely women.  All very exciting really.
Okay, time to get this big bum onto the xtrainer.
Onwards & downwards......

Devastated By a Little Loss......

Weigh in this morning & I had a 200gm loss.  Absolutely devastated... How on earth does 200gms reflect my efforts this week?   I've tracked every morsel that has entered my mouth, I have drank all the water I could possibly fit in, and I have exercised like a machine every single day!!!  Twice this week I didn't have time to exercise during the day, so I got on the xtrainer at 10.45pm at night!!!!  I just don't understand it.  The ONLY explanations I can think of are - 1. I drank triple the amount of water yesterday than I usually drink, so perhaps I am retaining some of that today; 2. perhaps my body is adjusting to the amount of exercise I am throwing at it; 3. perhaps it is residual fluid left over from TTOM that finished a day ago.  God, I just don't know.  SOOOOOOOO disappointed.
Anyway, will continue on with my efforts.  I'm working a lot at the moment, and although I enjoy work, I am not enjoying the stress that it is putting on my home life, especially with all the kids after school activities.

And only 8 sleeps to go until I catch up with a group of girls that I have been "chatting" to on the WW site for about 5 years now.  We are all like the best of friends, which is so strange considering we have never met each other!  We are coming together in Melbourne from near & far - one is even flying in from New Zealand!  We've been through so much together - the births of our babies together, deaths & sicknesses in the family, the trials of raising our kids, and of course, the daily struggles with our weight.  Very exciting to spend a whole weekend with these beautiful women!  Bring it on!!!

Hubby yesterday bought himself a lovely new bike, and he has registered to do the "Ride to Conquer Cancer" with me in October.  To do the ride, we have to raise $2500 each in donations to support Peter Mac, which is a hospital that specialises ONLY in cancer research & treatment.  It also happens to be the hospital where my Dad is being treated.   However, I am finding it so extremely hard to raise donations for this.  I have to raise $2500, and to date, I have raised $60.  I always donate at least $50 to causes like this when my friends ask me to, so I am at a loss why no one wants to donate.  I'll be shattered if I don't raise the necessary funds & can't go on the ride!!

If you would like to make a donation to this truly amazing hospital...







Onwards & downwards....

Battle of the Night Time Snacking....

Everything is still going really great with me this week, but I have noticed how now & then I am prone to a mindless snack after dinner.  All within points & measured & counted, but really, it can't be good to be snacking at night time.  Most nights  I am working and I get home late (11pm-ish) so I don't snack, and I only have a cuppa at work, I don't take any snacks (unless it is a daytime shift) & I don't buy from the vending machine, but on the nights I am at home, I might indulge.  For example, last night, I had a Skinny Cow ice-cream cup - delicious!  Only 2pp on WW, and much nicer & creamier than the WW sundae cups.  I should have stopped there!!  But then, I nibbled on 12pp worth of fruit & nut mix with a green tea.  Really?  Did I need that extra snack.  Surely the cuppa would have been fine on its own.  So disappointed in myself, and something I am going to work on in the future.

 My new discovery.  Helga's Sandwich Thins!!!  Only 3pp for one, and toasted it is delicious!!  I had one for brekkie with egg, cottage cheese & lettuce, and the next day one for lunch with ham & salad.  They are fantastic!!!

Aidan with his Spiderman-chino whilst out for coffee with me this week.  Owen has started 4yo Kinder 3 times a week, so it is nice to have one on one time with my baby!!!

The scales keep going in the right direction, and I am still in "the zone".

Onwards & downwards.....

2.1kgs - Yeah Baby!!!

I knew I was in for a loss after a brilliant week, but TTOM (That Time Of Month) arrived last night & I always weigh heavier, so what a shock when I weighed in at my meeting this morning & had a fantastic loss of 2.1kgs!!!  3.7kgs in 3 weeks - not too shabby!!!  So very, very happy with myself!  And on the subject of my meeting, I have no idea what is going on.  Our WW leader was missing in action last week, and then today some guy was there - apparently the head of WW in this region, and he was TOTALLY out of his comfort zone taking the meeting.  Anyway, he announced we would be getting a new leader next week!  WTF?!?!  Hope everything is okay with our older leader but I PRAY TO GOD we get a good leader next week - I love the meetings, but just cannot enjoy them when the leader is crap!!!
Dad goes for his first Chemo treatment tomorrow.  It's a bloody shit that he has to have chemo - he is so fit & healthy at the moment, and it is going to be sad to see the chemo knock him around.  However, he is so positive, it is infectious!
Goals for this week: continue with my water intake, daily exercise & brilliant tracking.  I CAN BLOODY WELL DO THIS!!!!

11.5kgs gone, 56.2kgs to go, 35 weeks until Bali!!!

Onwards & downwards..... BRING IT ON!!!

245 Sleeps!!!

Have just realised it's only 245 sleeps until we go to Bali!!!  Or exactly 35 weeks!  Which means I have plenty of time to shed some of this weight!  Sure, I am not going to be at goal weight by then, but I could realistically be under 90kgs!!!!  The last time I was 90kgs I was pregnant with my first child!!!!  On our trip to Bali in March 2011, I weighed 103kgs when I left, and although I was still very overweight, I felt so good about myself.  I can imagine how fantastic I would feel at 13kgs less!
Other countdowns for me:

• 218 sleeps until my 40th Birthday (just over 31 weeks)
• 322 sleeps until Christmas (46 weeks exactly)

Onwards & downwards....

Regaining My Fitness Level

I look back at March 2011 and can't believe how easily I did 60-90 minutes on the xtrainer each day!  I have been clawing my way to regain my fitness levels, and finally today I managed 60mins on the xtrainer.  Yes, it nearly killed me, and I probably won't be able to walk tomorrow, but I am so proud of myself!!  I won't push myself that hard for the next few days, as I have to ease my ankle back into it (and it's a bit sore right now), but the best thing about it. is that I have earned 19 bonus exercise points for WW.  I am determined to have a great loss this week!
I've just been browsing the WW Australia site, and checking out some of the blogs on there, as recommended by a friend.  I am not game to post a blog on that site, for fear someone I know would stumble across it!  Is that strange?  I feel I am safer here on blogspot, and it would be harder to stumble across - is that silly?  Anyway, I digress.... I came across this fantastic quote on someone's blog....

"The tenth bite tastes the same as the first bite"


Isn't that so bloody true?  I must remember that the next time I get a chocolate craving!!!!!


Onwards & downwards.....

Waiting to Drop the Ball

I am so in "the zone" at the moment, but I have this anxious feeling, like I am waiting for something to happen to shift me out of that zone.  Is that weird?  I guess I am feeling that it is so long since I felt like this, that perhaps it's not right... that I am just waiting to stuff up.  But everything is just so perfect - my eating, my water intake, my exercise.  Perhaps it is because it has been so long since everything had just fallen into place so perfectly with me that it is a normal reaction for me to subconsciously think - "what the fuck is going on here"?
Let's hope this continues.  I'm on a mission!!!
Onwards & downwards......

Week 88 of Weight Watchers!! Seriously!?!?

I am now in Week 88 of my weigh ins at Weight Watchers.  Loss of 1.6kgs for the fortnight for me - my "official" weight loss on the Weight Watchers scales.  Slightly disappointed, as I was expecting more as my home scales are showing a bigger loss.  But I do have to remember that I am weighing in at WW with clothes on, shoes on, and brekkie eaten.   And I did have that blow out on Tuesday night with the wine... damn!!
Anyway, feeling so positive & motivated & "in the zone" and I don't want this feeling to ever change.  I am so looking forward to next week's weigh in already!!  I remember last time when I was "in the zone" when I lost over 30kgs, and my meetings & WI were like an addiction to me!  I want to hold onto that feeling forever!
Goals for this week:

• Keep exercising daily on the xtrainer;
• Keep drinking heaps of water;
• Keep tracking every morsel.

I am already achieving all 3 of those goals so just have to keep up with it all.  Going out for dinner on Saturday night, so will plan to have the best WW friendly option available.  Other than that, I am able to plan all my other meals.

Zucchini Slice I made for dinner the other night.  We call it "bacon slice" in my house as the kids wouldn't eat it if they knew it had zucchini & carrot in it!!  And this pic is of it the next day when I had leftovers for lunch with a big dollop of tomato sauce (that hubby thinks is disgusting!).  I would eat tomato sauce on everything if I could!!!

Onwards & downwards.......

Day One of Febfast

Hubby and I are doing Febfast.  It was a success for me last year, and I raised $370 for charity, so thought I would give it a shot this year too, and I've managed to rope hubby in as well!  So, for the month of February, no booze at all.  EXCEPT you are allowed to buy a leave pass for a day if you need it, which is just as well, as I have a catch up planned with a group of Weight Watchers girls at the end of the month.  It's a whole weekend thing, but I plan only on having a few drinks the Saturday night.
So, of course, last being the 31st January, I went silly.  Too many wines, which TOTALLY blew my weekly points out of the water.  But that wasn't the bad part.  Whenever I drink, I eat!  And it's not that I eat badly, I just eat too much, uncontrollably.  Last night I had a few lollies, and then I consumed an enormous amount of Hommus & rice crackers, which I didn't have the points allowance for!  Silly, silly girl.
Weigh in tomorrow, and with TTOM looming (That Time of Month) and the blow out on Tuesday night with the wine, I am expecting a gain on last week's loss of 1.9kgs.  Ho hum.  It will not deter me.  I am back into it & raring to go.
Time to jump on the xtrainer!!

Onwards & downwards!

Happy Australia Day!!!

It's Australia Day, so a nice public holiday with no work for hubby or I!  Weighing in on my home scales this morning, I have had a loss of 1.9kgs!!  Fantastic!  Not going to record it "officially" until my weigh in at Weight Watchers next Thursday.
Started today off with a yummy freshly made fruit salad & yoghurt (for a grand total of 1 ProPoint!!).  The best thing is that my 2 older kids wanted it for brekkie too!  I just love their fantastic eating habits - especially my eldest who chose a salad sandwich instead of a meat pie the other day when we were out for lunch!!  Just makes me think how lucky we are Australia that we have access to such great fresh produce.  How lucky we are to have the freedom to purchase any fresh fruit, vegetables, or meat that we require.  The "lucky country" indeed.

My yummy salad sandwich on rye bread I had for lunch.  Total of 6 ProPoints for the bread & Weight Watcher's brand Cottage cheese.   Going through a stage of LOVING beetroot at the moment - makes any sandwich delicious!

And happy that I upped the anti today & managed 45 minutes of the xtrainer.  I want to enjoy a nice wine with hubby this afternoon, so wanted to make sure I have lots of exercise points to use.  And I might as well enjoy the wine now, as I am doing Febfast again - no alcohol for the whole of February!

Onwards and downwards.....

Week 1 A Success!

The last day of week one & it's been a huge success.  I think I'm in "the zone".  I've been on the xtrainer every day, and have increased my time from 20mins to 30mins.  Can't believe I used to do 60-90 minutes without struggling, and this week I have nearly died doing 30mins!!!  Very sad to think I've let my fitness slip that much!
The Biggest Loser Series has just started here.  Great motivation to see these people exercising & allowing to be seen in their undies & bras for all the world to see.  Not to mention, great motivation seeing those bodies of the trainers!!
No weigh in for me tomorrow unfortunately.  As it's Australia Day public holiday, there is no meeting.  Can't wait to see my results on the scales next week after 2 weeks of trying my best!!!
Onwards & downwards.....

Day 1 Done & Dusted!

Day 1 down & a success!  Didn't even eat all my daily allowance of points, and I really feel like I am in the right headspace at the moment.  Managed 20 minutes on the xtrainer last night, and it nearly bloody killed me!  How did I let myself get so unfit & gain so much weight?  If only I was one of those people who lost weight when stressed & depressed!!!!  Can't wait until I can manage an hour on the xtrainer again & not find it a huge struggle!

My lunches yesterday & today were so yummy, I had to take pics of them!

Yesterday's scrambled eggs on lettuce, topped with asparagus, cottage cheese & Sweet Chilli Sauce...

Today's pita wrap with ham, fat free natural yoghurt, tomato, cucumber, lettuce & beetroot!  YUMMO!

Our PC blew up over Christmas, so we splurged this week & bought ourselves a beautiful new iMac desktop.  Quite different to a PC, so it is taking a little while to get used to it, but I think we will love it eventually.  Just such a lovely streamlined machine.

A New Year, and A New Me!!!

Wow, a long time has passed since I last posted, and a hell of a lot of weight has been gained.
Firstly, in regards to my Dad.  We had received good news before Christmas that he was to start a new trial drug, that has had amazing results with cancer patients.  This news buoyed us in the hope that things would be looking up, and we all had an amazing Christmas with Dad.  And then, just last week we received the news that he was not compatible with the trial drug, and so he was told by the Doctor to basically "get his affairs in order".  In other words, there is nothing they can do for him.  He is starting Chemo next month to see if it has any impact on the cancer.  Devastating for us all of course, but Dad is being so positive, and he says he is determined to shock the doctors on this one.  It's really given us a brighter outlook, and if anyone can shock the doctors, it's definitely Dad.  He's done it previously when he was told he had lung disease from asbestos many years ago, and he wasn't given long to live.
We had a lovely Christmas, and our first Christmas Day at home with my family.  Too much food & drink, but we all had a ball & the kids were spoilt by Santa once again.  Boxing Day we spent with my inlaws, and then we went away to our caravan for 3 weeks in the sun, and spent our days swimming, eating, drinking & lazing about.  My parents were there as well, so it was lovely to spend the time with them too.  It was fantastic, but nice to get home & back into the routine of things.
I trudged back to my Weight Watchers meeting this morning with an official weigh in of 124.9kgs.  Shocking indeed, but actually not as bad as I expected.  I am really ready to get fit & healthy again & shed this weight.  This is going to be my year, and I have a few big occasions coming up, so some great goals to work towards....

• My 40th birthday in September (and I want to have a big party)
• Bali trip with hubby to celebrate our 40th birthdays
• 200km Ride to Conquer Cancer - a bike ride I have signed up to with friends, so time to get back on my bike!!!

Will get back on the xtrainer today, and will track, track, track every morsel that enters my mouth!

Onward & downwards!  Bring it on!!!!

Oh Christmas Tree!!!

Hubby & me at my work Christmas function

Happy New Year!!  Enjoying a cold glass of wine on NYE on holidays!

My 4 gorgeous kids last week on holidays

and So It Begins.... Again....

Returned to my Physio this morning after a long absence, and it has hit home how much I have neglected myself over the last 7 months.  My poor ankle was given a good workout (ouch) by him, and when I told him how I had gained weight after returning to work, his response was "after all your hard work!".  It really dawned on me how I have let things slide! 
And then it was back to my Weight Watchers meetings.  I was so embarrassed returning with my tail between my legs.  I wore my heaviest clothing & runners, as usually I weigh in wearing light clothes & slip on shoes!  Weigh in for me was 117.3kgs.  Ouch!  So, I will officially track my weight using the WW scales from now on, and not my home scales, where I weigh in naked first thing in the morning.
And so, I sit here typing this, having just hung up the phone from my Dad.  He has found out the results from his biopsy a couple of days ago, and the results are not good.  He has melanoma cancer, a very rare type, with not a very good outlook.  Devestating news, and my Mum is understandably beside herself.  I feel like vomiting, and crying & screaming, and feel useless.  And think I am being ridiculous sitting typing up a weightloss blog, when there are oh so many more important things that can be done.  And what the hell should I worry about weightloss for, when my Dad is up for the battle of his life right now, and that's a more important thing to worry about!
Anyway, lots to think about, lots to deal with, and need to take this one day at a time!
Let the battles begin....

Throwing in the Towel on the Dukan

Have struggled all weekend with the Dukan.  Out for dinner on Friday night, at work all day on Saturday & drinks & a roast with family yesterday, and it is all just too much!  I want to live my bloody life happily, whilst losing weight, and enjoy my food!  It's just not something that can be done realistically on the Dukan Diet!    Perhaps it is easier for someone who doesn't have 5 others in the family they have to prepare food for!  I don't know.... it's just not for me.
So, I may be throwing in the towel on the Dukan, but I am definitely not giving up on the weightloss.  I have just rejoined Weight Watchers, and will go back to my weekly meetings this Thursday.  I have lost over 30kgs with Weight Watchers, so I just KNOW I can get to goal once I put my mind to it.  I can do this.  I will do this.  And in the meantime, I can eat & drink like a normal person (all within points of course!!).
Did I mention it is only 41 sleeps til Christmas.  The excitement in this household is building!!!!
So, as I close one door, I open another.  Onwards & downwards...

Day 28

I was so hungry all day yesterday!!  I don't know whether it is the exercise I am doing that is making me so hungry, or what, but I ate all day long!    Anyway, I am happy to see the scales going down again!
Have just had a look back on my blog to my first entry on 27th April 2006.  I've been slogging away at this for over 5 years now, and I must say I am pretty disappointed with how far I have come - 5 years to lose just over 20kgs sounds like a huge waste of time.  But, I guess with 2 pregnancies, a few operations, and all of life's ups & downs, it makes sense.
I just finished reading Portia De Rossi's book "Unbearable Lightness" last night.  She struggled with anorexia & bulimia, and it was amazing to see how far she took things until she became so sick that she decided to do something about it!  Quite remarkable, and I could definitely relate to some of the things she said about dieting.
So, it is 336 days (48 weeks) until I am in Bali - with hubby & childfree!  I'm already excited!  AND I am determined not to be a big fatty boombah!!!  48 weeks to lose 33kgs should be a walk in the park.  My goal weight with Weight Watchers was 65kgs, but on the Dukan, it takes into account how many kids you've had, your bone density, your age & lifestyle, etc, and it's given me my goal weight of 78.8kgs, which is difference of 13.8kgs.  I think I'll use the Dukan weight as my first goal, and then see how I look/feel at this weight, and then take it further if need be.  Can't imagine being 78kgs, let alone under 100kgs!  BRING IT ON!!

Day 28 - Attack Phase Day 3
Weight: 111.8kgs (loss of 0.4kgs - Total Loss 4.6gs)

• 1 Egg, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, cottage cheese, cinnamon (delicious!!!!)
•  2 coffees, skim milk

Day 27

Feeling bloody fantastic today!  Amazing how good this diet makes you feel.  My ankle, however, is not too good and feeling the effects of getting back on the xtrainer for a rigourous (even if only 20mins!) workout!  I've booked to see my physio next week for a well overdue treatment!

Day 27 - Attack Phase Day 2
Weight: 112.2kgs (loss of 1.2kgs - Total Loss 4.2kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• No fat Mango Yoghurt
• 1 1 /2 Beef steak (Scotch fillet) cooked in soy & garlic, Non fat Natural Yoghurt
• Roasted chicken breast, no skin
• No fat Vanilla Yoghurt
• Tuna in springwater, cottage cheese
• 20mins xtrainer
• 1.5+ litres water

I have been absolutely starving today!!!!

Day 26 - Take 2 on starting again!!!

It's a long story, but on Monday (day 25), things went downhill, so I didn't start back properly on the Dukan.  Fish'n'chips for dinner, wine & left over cake with whipped cream were all too much for me to resist, and then Tuesday I just felt like shit & didn't want to start back on track.  I decided to wait until things "clicked" again with me, which can usually take a couple of weeks.  No point starting again when I wasn't going to commit.
Fortunately today (Wednesday) I woke up raring to go & get back into it.  So only 2 days for things to "click" instead of a couple of weeks or a couple of months - YAY!!!  Could it possibly be the fact that my hubby booked our accomodation for October 2012 when we're going to Bali!?!?!  Maybe!  Just the two of us to celebrate turning 40 (me in the September, and him in the November).  I have told him I WILL NOT ever go again overseas whilst being fat!  And I WILL NOT be fat when I turn 40!!!
Anyway, finally got back on the xtrainer this morning.  Geez, I love that machine!!  But it did nearly kill me!  Can't believe how bad my fitness levels have become since March.  I could do an hour plus easily on it, and today I did an intense 20mins, but felt like I was going to have a heart attack! 
Feeling so great & confident.  I have 31 days until my work Christmas party on December 10th & to lose 5kgs before then would be amazing!

Day 26 - Attack Phase Day 1
Weight: 113.4kgs (gain of 0.5kgs - Total Loss 3kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• Steamed fish fillet with lemon & herbs, fat free natural yoghurt
• Kangaroo Fillet with cajun spices, fat free nat yoghurt
• Steak (bef eye fillet) dry pan fried, cottage cheese
• Small can tuna in springwater
• 1.5+ litres water
• 20min xtrainer

Day 25 - Starting Over!!!!!!

Well, what a HUGGGGEEEE week I've had!  Lots of partying & too much drinking and eating.  And it's just been too hard to follow the Dukan principles, so I didn't even bother trying.  It all started with a hugggggeeee Melbourne Cup Day BBQ at our place, then a 3 day hangover period - not as young as I used to be obviously, and even the thought of pure proteins made me want to vomit!!  Followed by sick kids, working late nights, a bus Shopping Tour, and finishing up yesterday with my eldest's First Holy Communion celebration, with chocolate cake, cheese cake, lemon tart & banana cake!!!
However, today I am starting afresh, and back to the attack phase.  In the book, Dr Dukan recommends starting with the Attack phase if you go off track. 
So, back to the grindstone, and will keep on track until Christmas, with the exception of upcoming Christmas parties in December.  And this time, I am determined to damn well exercise daily!!!
So, to recap, the 24 days I was on track with the Dukan (with a few wines here & there!), I lost 6.7kgs.  Not a bad effort!!!  My last weigh in was at 109.7kgs, and 9 days later (ie. this morning) I weighed in at 112.9kgs, which is a gain of 3.2kgs - eeeeek!!!  Still, 3.5kgs in a month is not a bad weight loss in the normal scheme of things really. 
So, here we go... again.....

A couple of pictures of me yesterday. God I hate having my photo taken at this size!!!

Day 25 - Attack Phase
Weight: 112.9kgs (gain of 3.2kgs in 9 days - Total Loss 3.5kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• Kangaroo fillet cooked with Cajun spices, onion, cottage cheese

Day 24.....

Worked both Saturday & Sunday full 8 1/2 hour shifts.  Halloween Monday & Melbourne Cup Day BBQ Tuesday.  Will be back to update my blog on Wednesday (Day 28)...

Day 24 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 109.7kgs (loss of 300gms, total 6.7kgs)

Day 23

The start of a 5 day long weekend for my older 2 kids today.  No school due to a teachers' inservice day today & Monday and then Tuesday is the Melbourne Cup Public holiday.  I love having all 4 of my babies home with me!!  Unfortunately I am working all weekend :(
We're off to the Melbourne Aquarium today, and it's my first big day out on a Pure Protein day. I have been struggling with what to take to eat for lunch.  Have just boiled some eggs to take with me, and maybe will stop & grab a can of tuna from the Supermarket as well (don't have any in the cupboard).
Weighed in at 110kgs this morning! Only 100gms away from being in the 100s!!! How frustrating!!!

Day 23 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 110kgs (loss of 400gms, total 6.4kgs)

Oatbran 2tbs, Vanilla yoghurt, coffee, non fat milk

Day 22

3 weeks done & dusted on the Dukan, and I still can't believe how easy it has been!  With my weigh in this morning, it brings my total weight loss to 6kgs in 3 weeks!  Amazing!  Imagine what I could have lost with some exercise thrown in as well! 
Had to change up my brekkie this morning, as I felt sick at the thought of having eggs again.  And the oatbran mixed with yoghurt was absolutely delicious!!!  I'm probably drinking more coffee than I should be each day, but it is my one special little delight that helps me get through without needing any sweets or chocolate or anything like that! It's almost like a guilty pleasure!!!! 
I honestly can't believe it is going to be November next month, and so begins the "silly season"!!!  It's definitely the busiest time of the year, but my favourite without a doubt!  Love all the celebrations, decorations & excitement that Christmas brings!  Bring it on!!!

Day 22 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 110.4kgs (loss of 400gms, total 6kgs)

• Oatbran 2tbs, Vanilla yoghurt, coffee, non fat milk
• scrambled eggs with ham & cottage cheese
• Kangaroo steak with herbs & spices, cottage cheese
• 1.5+ litres water

Days 20 & 21

Have just been battling a lot of emotions the last 2 days, and haven't felt like posting.  I think it's been a BIG BAD week.  My Dad found out he has cancer, and then all this drama with my girlfriend!  Had a big cry on Monday, which I think I really needed.  Also called in sick to work for the last 2 nights - Monday I was just an emotional mess, and yesterday I had an upset tummy as a result of it all, and I also went to see my friend last night.   I was shocked at how terrible she looked, and she is definitely going through some serious shit at the moment, but she is in the safest place & getting the help she needs, which is brilliant.
Still going strong on the Dukan, except for some wine AGAIN on Monday night. But, I am not having a drop of wine now until next Tuesday on Melbourne Cup Day. We are having friends over for a BBQ and to watch the horse racing, so I plan on having a day off of the Dukan.
Glad to finally be nearly in the 100's today!  I sooooo wants to be under 100kgs by Christmas.  It's been my goal to get into those magic double digit numbers for so long!!!  AND I must get on that bloody xtrainer today!!!

Day 20 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.3kgs (gain of 200gms, total 5.1kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, coffee, non fat milk
• Chicken breast, bacon, non fat natural yoghurt, spices
• Lamb mince & spices (made into a burger), natural yoghurt, bacon
• Wine
• 1.5 litres water

Day 21 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 110.8kgs (loss of 500gms, total 5.6kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, coffee, non fat milk
• tuna, cottage cheese
• Chicken breast,spices, natural yoghurt
• 1.5 litres water

Day 19

Had some very disturbing new last night.  Firstly, received a text from one of my oldest & dearest friends which was a "goodbye" message, and then she tried to kill herself.  Fortunately her family found her & she was taken to hospital, where she is recovering.  Her wounds are not bad, but mentally she is apparently a mess.  She's not allowed visitors, so I feel so useless about not being able to see her & give her some support!
As usual, I battled my emotions with naughty food!  Wine & potato chips!  ARGH!  Very disappointed in myself, but straight back into the saddle today, and it's the start of my 5 days straight of Pure Protein.
Not reading much into my overnight weight loss.  Could just be dehydration from the wine last night, so will see how I go over the next 5 days.

Day 19 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.1kgs (loss of 300gms, total 5.3kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, coffee, non fat milk
• Chicken breast, bacon, non fat natural yoghurt, spices
• Lean beef mince, bacon, cottage cheese
• Wine, potato chips (argh!!!!)
• 1.5+ litres water

Days 17 & 18

Worked a long shift all day yesterday, so didn't have time to update my blog.  Don't even really think about being on a "diet" anymore, as it doesn't really feel like I am on one.  Still feeling full & not eating at "normal" times, just whenever I remind myself to eat something.  Unwound last night by sharing a couple of bottles of wine with hubby.  Was tempted to stock up on more when I was buying the wine, but I know I can't be trusted and would have continued drinking last night!  As it is, I have a massive headache this morning - can't drink like I used to a couple of months ago!!
Today's my last day of the Pure Protein + Veg, and tomorrow I start 5 days of Pure Protein.  Think I prefer this system much better, as it doesn't confuse me at all.  The scales have been stabilised which is obviously what happens on the vegie days (because of the water retention - all explained in the Dukan book), so I expect the scales to drop in the next few days.  Will be interesting to see what happens!!

Day 17 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.4kgs (same weight, total 5kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, cottage cheese, coffee, non fat milk
• chicken breast, cottage cheese
• chicken mince & lamb mince sausages, yoghurt & lemon dressong, salad
• 1 bottle white wine

Day 18 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.4kgs (same weight, total 5kgs)

• bacon, egg, Oatbran 2tbs, lettuce, coffee, non fat milk
• Non fat yoghurt
• Steak on the bbq, garden salad
• Too much wine!!!!
• Bowl of poatato chips (very very naughty!)

Day 16

My third day out of five eating Pure Protein + Veg,  Still feeling so full all the time, which I think is the beauty of this diet.  Thankfully a loss of 400gms today.  It's very disheartening to think of how strict I am on myself, and then to see a gain on the scales!  Anyway, all going well, except for the exercise!  Just have to get organised with that!!!
Had a couple of wines tonight before bed.  Shouldn't have done it, but just felt so stressed and tense.

 

Day 16 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.4kgs (loss of 400gms, total 5kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, bacon, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cottage cheese, coffee, non fat milk
• chicken breast, natural yoghurt
• tuna, cottage cheese
• Thai beef & vegies in basil & chilli spices
• Vanilla non fat yoghurt
• 1/2 bottle white wine

Day 15

2 weeks down, and another bloody gain this morning!  Very frustrating, but I am taking faith in the words of Dr Dukan that it takes approx 20 days of being on the Cruise Phase for your body to adjust properly.   Having no problem at all sticking to the diet, so will keep plodding along.
Absolutely loving my brekkies of egg & oatbran - mixed together it makes like an omelette/pancake type of thing that is delicious with a bit of yoghurt ot cottage cheese on top (or vegies on my vegie days).

Day 15 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.8kgs (gain of 300gms, total 4.6kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, Nat yoghurt, coffee, non fat milk
• Roast chicken breast (no skin), lettuce, cucumber, carrot, beetroot
• Tuna, cottage cheese
• 1.5 litres water

I had family over for lunch yesterday, and thought it would be far too difficult not to eat salad, so I've decided to do the 5 days of Pure Protein + Veg, and the 5 days of Pure Protein.  The 5/5 system is the one Dr Dukan originally started with, before he changed to the 1/1 system.  Will see how the 5/5 goes for me and I might continue it if I like it.  I find I am always confused remembering what day I eat what, so I think this may suit me & my lifestyle better.  Will see how I go.

Day 14

A gain this morning on the scales!  WTF?!  Must be TTOM & water retention stuffing me around!  I should really weigh myself weekly not to get disheartened by a gain midweek, but Dr Dukan recommends weighing yourself often.  I shouldn't complain - 4.9kgs in 2 weeks is just  a ridiculous amount of weight to lose!

Day 14 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111.5kgs (gain of 500gms, total 4.9kgs)

• eggs, Oatbran 2tbs, coffee, non fat milk
• Tuna, carrot, cucumber, beetroot, natural yoghurt
• zucchini strips (peeled thin like pasta strips); lean pork & beef mince, garlic, herbs, cottage cheese (made pasta Bolognese for the rest of the family, so made myself a Dukan version!!)
• 1.5+ litres of water

The kids are fascinated by what I am eating & the versions I come up with of our family meals!  Hilarious!

Day 13

TTOM (That Time Of Month) arrived yesterday with lots of tummy pains, so feeling really yukky, especially last night, but made an effort to get back on the xtrainer.  Only did 15min, although I felt like I could do a whole hour, but I want to ease into it, and take it easy for my ankle's sake.  Will make sure I keep up the exercise now, although I do find it difficult some days to find the time!
A brilliant loss on the scales today - down 1.2kgs!  Just what I needed to boost my motivation!  I am finding this Dukan diet so incredibly easy, and I just feel so terrific.  I guess maybe because I am not a real sweet tooth that I am not finding it too hard.  I could imagine that someone who likes a lot of sugar in their usual daily life would struggle without it.
Today is a Pure Protein day.  The full Pure Protein days make me excited about the vegies & salad I can eat on the next day! 

Day 13 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 111kgs (loss of 1.2kgs, total 5.4gs)

• egg, bacon, 2tbs Oatbran, non fat Natural yoghurt
• bacon, chicken breast, Nat yoghurt (with the Creole spice I am crazy on!)
• Coffee, non fat milk
• Chicken breast. Nat yoghurt, curry powder, cottage cheese.  The rest of the family had Mango chicken with rice, pappadums & Naan bread.
• 1.5+ litres water
• 15min xtrainer

Day 12

I crashed last night & was in bed ASLEEP by 7pm!  I even went to bed before the kids!!!!  Obviously needed it after a hard working week of working 6 days - and I am supposed to be part time!!!  Still feeling really great on the Dukan, and still finding it easy.  Bread & chocolate are some of my favourite foods, and I haven't missed them at all.  Glad the scales are finally moving in the right direction!

I have been eating the "Ready Oats" I bought the other day, although I am getting some Oat Bran delivered today.  I compared the information on the Nutritional graph on the back of the packets, and they are absolutely identical, so the "Ready Oats" must be the same thing, but they are just packaged differently.

Day 12 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.2kgs (loss of 200gms, total 4.2kgs)

• egg, bacon, mushrooms, tomato, lettuce, cucumber, cottage cheese
• coffee, non fat milk
• Cottage cheese mixed with 2tbs Ready oats, lettuce, cucumber
• chicken breast, cottage cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, beetroot
• 1.5 litres water
• 15min on Xtrainer

Have the Oatbran in my hot little hands now, and although it does have the same nutritional value of the "Ready Oats", the Oatbran's only ingredient is Oatbran (funny about that!) and the Ready Oats only ingredient is Oats.  So they are obviously different. Oatbran is the fibrous husk that surrunds and protects the Oat grain.  I've discarded the Ready Oats & will start on the Oatbran in the morning!

Day 11

I love Sundays!  But cannot wait until the kids start to sleep in!!  These 7am wake ups are driving me insane! 
FINALLY the scales are moving again.  I am hoping it's not caused by wine & dehydration & it's because of the diet finally kicking in.  I'll know when I weigh in tomorrow!!   Hubby has an AFL Footy coaching course today (he coaches our son's footy team), and I have a 5 hour shift at work, so the grandparents are watching the kids for me.  It's a Pure Protein day for me today, so I will put a roast in the slow cooker for dinner, and prepare something to take with me to work for lunch.  I am surprising myself with how easy I am finding sticking to this!

Day 11 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.4kgs (loss of 400gms, total 4kgs)

• egg, minced beef, bacon, cottage cheese, 2tbs Ready oats
• coffee, non fat milk
• tuna, yoghurt
• Strawberry non fat yoghurt
• Corned beef, scrambled egg
• 1.25 litres water

Day 10

Another gain today!  ARGH!  So annoying!!!  But I will keep plodding along!  I went back to re-read the Dukan book last night to make sure I was doing everything right, and I read the following, which has re-assured me....

"Very often, weight loss is spectacular during the first phase and then, when vegetables are introduced, the scales seem to get stuck and do not go down, or may even show a slight increase in pounds.  Do not worry - you are not slipping backwards.  So what is happening?
During the Attack phase, because you are eating only proteins this has a powerful water-repellant effect.  Reserve fat is lost as well as a large quantity of water that has been stagnating in the body for a long time.  This combination of eliminated water and fat explains why your scales show an impressive loss.
But when vegetables are added to proteins, water, having been artificially expelled, is retained once more, which explains the sudden and incomprehensible stagnation.  The real weight loss which is connected to the fats still continues, albeit reduced by the addition of vegetables, but it is being camouflaged by the return of water.  Be patient......."

It goes on to say it takes about 20 or so days for the weightloss to show when starting the 1/1 rhythm of Pure Proteins alternating with proteins + vegetables.  Phew, happy to wait a few weeks for good weight loss, so will just continue on with it.  Hubby is buying my Oatbran today, so will start on that, and plan on starting exercising this weekend too.  I'm working all day today & all day tomorrow, so have to precook my meals & plan ahead.  I'm keeping up with the water intake as well.  Feeling great!!!

Day 10 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.8kgs (gain of 100gms, total 3.6kgs)

• egg, diced beef, spices
• coffee, non fat milk
• diced beef, spices, cottage cheese
• tuna, cottage cheese
• beef mince, bacon, cottage cheese, mushrooms, cucumber, tomato, lettuce (YUMMO!)
• 1.5 litres water
• 3 glasses white wine

It was a loooonnngggg busy day at work, and I really wanted to enjoy a nice glass of wine tonight.  Hubby & I have decided that we will sit down & enjoy a couple of bottles of wine on a Saturday night each week.   Just 2 nice bottles of Pinot Grigio to share in the evening between us once a week.  Quite a big change from drinking most nights of the week.  Although we are trying to lose weight, we have to enjoy our lives for God's sake!!!  Not going to drop the ball in any other areas, except for this small treat on Saturday nights.

Struggled to find the oatbran today!  Managed to find "Quick Oats" at a local Coles Supermarket, which is 100% oats, and I will check with my friend to see if that product is the correct one to eat - have no idea!!!

Going to get back on the xtrainer in the morning, and already looking forward to it!!! BRING IT ON!

Days 8-9

Day 8 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.5kgs (gain of 200gms, total 3.9kgs)

Was unable to post today due to computer crashing!  Had a great day on the Dukan, but didn't drink enough water!

Day 9 - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.7kgs (gain of 200gms, total 3.7kgs)

We are having major computer issues at the moment, and think it might be time to upgrade to a new PC or laptop.  Unfortunately we can't afford it at the moment, so will just have to try & keep this old thing running for as long as possible!

Have had gains over the last 2 days on the scales, and I have absolutely no bloody idea why!  I have been following the diet, BUT there are 3 things that may be a factor....

1. Oat bran - I haven't been eating it, as I haven't bought it yet.  Hubby is getting it for me tomorrow.
2. Exercise - I haven't started exercising yet
3. Not eating enough - I haven't felt hungry at all, so hardly eat & have to keep reminding myself to

It's a bit disheartening, but I shouldn't sneeze at 3.7kgs in 8 days!  That's just phenomenal!!!  Will keep slogging away, and start up with the exercise regime, and see if it helps!

Day 7

I was very naughty & shared a couple of bottles of wine last with the hubby.  But after a shitful day, and news that hubby's job may soon be made redundant, I felt like we needed it!  Loss of 300gms on the scales, which I am sure would have been larger without that wine.  Starting to really notice the weightloss in my face & tummy already!  YAY!

Day Seven - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.3kgs (loss of 300gms, total 4.1kgs)

• Bacon, eggs, cottage cheese
• coffee, non fat milk
• extra lean beef mince, cottage cheese, 6 fresh asparagus*
• Non fat Vanilla yoghurt

*Forgot I am not supposed to eat vegies today.. oops!!

Have finally tracked down where I can purchase Oat Bran, so will pick some of that up in the next day or so.  I'm supposed to be having it daily, but have been so far unable to find it, until now!  Don't think I will post what I eat anymore, as it seems a little boring.  Need to get some updated pics too!  Is it boring that I am posting daily?  Maybe I should change to weekly?

So very, very tired with working these late shifts at work until 11pm.   But otherwise, I am feeling really great on the Dukan.  Just now have to make sure that I don't fall into the black hole of worry about Hubby's job and lack therefore of money!!  It's when I get stressed that I start on the nightly wine drinking & get way off track with my eating.  But I am strong, and won't cave THIS TIME!

Day 6

Well, I've finished the 5 day Attack phase.  And I'm still alive.  Weighed in at 112.6kgs this morning,  which is a total loss of 3.8kgs in 5 days!  Absolutely stoked with that! And I am so looking forward to salad & vegies today!!!

Day Six - Cruise Phase
Weight: 112.6kgs (loss of 500gms, total 3.8kgs)

• Eggs, ham, onion
• Coffee, tea
• Kangaroo burger, roasted pumkin, onion & garlic, natural yoghurt
• Beef mince, steamed cauliflower, broccoli & carrots with natural yoghurt
• 3 glasses white wine (very naughty!!!)
• Strawberry yoghurt
• 1.5 litres water

Day 5

A gain of 200gms this morning, which I expected.  Still disappointing though!  Last night we went to the work function at the Karaoke Bar, and the food was just terrible, with limited choices.  The chicken I ate seemed to be steamed, but the beef was unfortunately cooked in oil.  Such a little thing like the oil can make a big difference to this diet!  Still stuck with my water, and had 2 Diet Cokes as well, whilst everyone else boozed on!!!

My husband started the Dukan yesterday, but was very unwell & blocked up this morning.  I suggested he follow Weight Watchers again, cause it is just easier for him with working full time, so he is giving up on the Dukan, and just going to eat healthy again.  Although he is very overweight, he drops weight rapidly when he puts his mind to it.

So, my last day of "Attack" and I can eat salad & veg tomorrow!  YAY!!


Day Five - Attack Phase
Weight: 113.3kgs (gain of 200gms, total 3.1kgs)

• Eggs, chicken breast, onion, natural yoghurt
• Chicken breast, roasted onion, cottage cheese
• Beef mince, onion, natural yoghurt
• Vanilla yoghurt (non fat of course)
• 1.5+ litres water
• Tea & coffee with non fat milk

Day 4

I am finding it so unbelievable how the weight is dropping off.  This just doesn't feel like a diet, because I am eating so much!  Sure, it's restrictive, but I am just so full all the time!  And I like the fact I don't have to worry about weighing food & portion sizes like with Weight Watchers.

I have a long shift at work today again, so once again will make sure I am prepared with food (like I was yesterday).  After work tonight we have a work function at a Karaoke bar, with all alcohol & food supplied.  I originally wasn't going to go due to being on this diet, but I have to still live my life!  I will just drink water or Diet Coke, and the food is Asian, so I am hoping there will be some Sushimi or something similar (raw fish).

Day Four - Attack Phase
Weight: 113.1kgs (loss of 500gms, total 3.3kgs)

• Eggs, kangaroo steak, onion, natural yoghurt
• 1/4 kangaroo steak, cottage cheese
• Tuna in Springwater, natural yoghurt
• Koraoke Bar - Beef fillets with chili & herbs, chicken fillet with spring onions
• 2+ litres water

Day 3

Yesterday was a struggle.  I found myself wanting to eat ANYTHING that I wasn't allowed.  I am also craving vegies & salad.  Oh, I just can't wait for Day 6 when I can eat vegies!!  Felt a little bit constipated, and OH SO TIRED!  Just no energy at all.  And I just seemed to eat constantly, even when I wasn't hungry!!!  The kids had McDonald's for lunch, and it was so very hard not to pinch even one chip, but I am determined to see this through (for a little while anyway).
Weigh in this morning saw the scales at 113.6kgs!  I was shocked as I just feel very heavy.  Today is going to be a challenge.  We have a 4 year old Birthday party to attend with lots of tempting yummy treats, and then I am working an 8 hour shift.  I have to precook all my food this morning so I am prepared!

Day Three - Attack Phase
Weight: 113.6kgs (loss of 500gms, total 2.8kgs)

• Eggs, Ham, cottage cheese
• Chicken skewers (cooked on BBQ at Birthday party)
• Chicken breast steamed in oven with cottage cheese
• Kangaroo Fillet with scrambled egg & herbs
• Non fat Vanilla yoghurt
• Water 3+ litres
• Tea & coffee with non fat milk

Happy to report I did not succumb at the party this morning.  Luckily, there were chicken skewers (with nothing on them) cooked on the BBQ.   They were cooked on the same BBQ as sausages, so unfortunately there would have been a little bit of oil (which is not allowed!), but what could I do?  Finding myself feeling really full ALL the time, and really heavy, which is obviously just because I am eating heavy proteins.  Sooooo looking forward to eating a nice big salad on Tuesday!!!!!

Day 2

Made it through the first day, and must admit I was surprised at how full I felt!  Have stocked up on lean beef & lamb cuts, and also kangaroo steak, burgers & a mini roast.  It's something I rarely eat, but I saw on a chat site with Dr Dukan yesterday that he recommends Australians to eat kangaroo because it is so lean.  It's cheap too, which is a bonus.  I've enjoyed it in the past, so if I enjoy it this time, I will add it to my regular diet.
I am a serial weigher, so was surprised when Dr Dukan in his book suggested to weigh yourself regularly, as it is great way to give you confidence when you see the scales go down.  This morning I weighed myself & to say I was shocked is an understatement - a loss of 2.3kgs!!!!

Day Two - Attack Phase
Weight: 114.1kgs (loss of 2.3kgs)

• Eggs, low fat bacon*, cottage cheese
• 1/2 low fat kangaroo burger with a smear of dijon mustard
• Tub of no fat fruit yoghurt
• roast chicken (no skin) with natural no fat yoghurt.
• Tea & coffee with no fat milk
• 1.5+ litres water

*Have since found out that bacon (or any pork product) should not be consumed in the Attack Phase.

The Dukan Diet Day 1 - Here We Go!

Today I have started the Dukan Diet. I have been researching about it for a few weeks now, and armed with the official book & a Dukan recipe book as well, I am ready to go. My first day is very limited in food choices (due to not going grocery shopping until tomorrow), but I have decided to not put off starting it due to that fact. I am raring to go!!!
Basically, the Dukan Diet is a high protein diet. Consisting of 3 phases as follows:-
1. Attack Phase - Protein only for 5 days
2. Cruise Phase - Introduction of vegies on alternating days (ie. one day only protein, the next protein AND vegies, and so on...)
3. Consolidation Phase - Slow introduction of carbs & fruits to the diet

I hate fad diets, and have tried many of them over my adult lifetime. Whilst I am a bit sceptical about this one, it really does sound like a good & healthy one. Deep down I know Weight Watchers is the perfect & ideal weightloss program for me, so I intend to return to it, but I just need something new & different to kick start me, and keep me interested.

Day One - Attack Phase
Weight: 116.4kgs
• 2 eggs with cottage cheese
• 425g can Tuna in brine mixed with cottage cheese
• 3 eggs, onion, cottage cheese
• No Fat Fruit Yoghurt
• 1.5+ litres of water
• 5min exercise on xtrainer

It is recommended to have only 2 eggs per day, but due to the lack of groceries in my house, I made do with more eggs. Felt REALLY tired throughout the day, and unable to do much exercise (I can usually do an hour on the xtrainer!!!). Have been running to the toilet ALL DAY with the huge amount of water I am drinking. Went grocery shopping after work (at 11.30pm!!!) and stocked up on lean meats & no fat yoghurts, cottage cheese, etc.

A Change is As Good as a Holiday!!!

So, I've been MIA, and piling on the kilos with too much of enjoying life!!!!  I've found Weight Watchers has become a bit stale, so have decided to try out the Dukan Diet for a little bit of a kick start, before I return to my beloved WW.  Will see how long I can last on a protein only diet!!!

Finding My Feet

Loss of 300gms this week. Was bitterly disappointed and annoyed with myself when standing on those scales at WW this morning. "The weight loss should have been higher!" I thought to myself - But why did I think like that when I had only 2 good days out of the whole last week?! Somehow, I have forgotten that I have to work hard for weightloss. Sooooooo disappointed in myself!
Anyway, it's a fresh start & I will get there. Have to remember to track every morsel that enters my mouth, and stay within points. Slow & steady wins the race!!!
I have a leg operation next Thursday, and already I have had thoughts of recouperating on the couch with a glass of wine & chocolate! What the hell is wrong with me!?!?
Anyway, I'll get through it. I'll just keep battling on.....

NO MORE!!!!!

TODAY just get up and go, because YESTERDAY, you said, TOMORROW!!!

A great quote I have "borrowed" from a friend. I think it was written about me! For the last 2 months, I have been saying "Monday I will start back on track", or "tomorrow I will get back on track" and unfortunately, it just hasn't happened. Where the hell have I gone wrong??!?!
I am feeling so bloody frustrated and angry with myself! And full of resentment for my husband as well, which is really not fair to him. We have both been as bad as each other, and led each other down a path of drinking wine every night & snacking badly. It has really started from just big changes in our lives of late. Hubby is miserable in his job, so is job hunting for something better. And I have returned to work after 4 years on maternity leave, so life as we know it has been changed dramatically. I am working evenings, and the occasional weekend, so it's been a big adjustment - not just for me & hubby, but for the 4 kids as well. And hubby and I have seemed to use wine as our coping mechanism - nothing like a nice glass of wine to relax each night when the kids go to bed, or when I get home from work at 10pm!!!
But IT STOPS HERE! I am putting my foot down. I cannot continue down this path. I am sick of seeing the scales go up every morning - and where will it end? With me weighing in at 133kgs again and looking in the mirror at myself full of disgust!?!? With health complications? NO MORE!!!!
I have put on 9.5kg since February. Devastated. Embarrassed. Shocked. Angry. Disgusted.

NO MORE!!!

Where It All Started!

I've been reading a few weightloss blogs lately, and have come across some stories of where the weight gain started. Some such stories have been of abused & neglected children who have used food to make up for the lack of love they've felt. Very sad beginnings for some people.

I have been so fortunate to have had a wonderful childhood & loving parents. And I have often looked back at where my love of food & weight gain started, and wish it was an easy one to work out. I was always a little chunky growing up. Always the big girl - not obese, but just not slim in any way. And I do in a tiny, little way blame my parents. Growing up in the 70s & 80s, there just wasn't the knowledge & awareness of obesity. I remember our dinners always fried in oil, and although we always ate vegies, it was always served up with lashings of butter on top, and we had to eat EVERYTHING on our plate, even if we were full. I remember watching my Mum battle with her weight, and try all the fad diets on the market - acupuncture, meal replacement milkshakes, pills, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers... the list goes on. And I remember her always giving up after a couple of weeks & gaining all the weight back & more. And then Dad setting her up in the garage with a weight workout so she could work off the weight, and that always lasting only a couple of weeks as well! My mum was the Queen of yo-yo dieting, and I remember my sister & I joining her in her fads at an extremely young age, when we were most impressionable! God, I remember having grapefruit for brekkie and I must have only been about the age of 10!! Is there a worse taste than grapefruit? I think not!

I know I shouldn't really blame my parents. They loved us & we had a fantastic life, and they weren't to know things like this would rub off on us in such a way. I am VERY aware with things like this with my own children now, and explain to them how fruit & vegies are important, and things like junk food are great in limited amounts, and how all the exercise they are doing burns off the amount they eat, etc etc. They know I am on WW & that I exercise daily because of it, and because I want to be fit, and they understand how much weight I have lost, but we don't dwell on it, and we don't make it a huge issue. I am trying my hardest to lead by example & show them how to eat & live well, and I am proud of the job my husband & I are doing with the kids!

Anyway, back to my childhood..... I remember going to the shops for smokes for my parents (remember, this was the early 80s and kids were allowed to buy smokes as long as they had a note from their parents - and in those days the Milk Bar was across the road from our house & the shopkeeper knew my parents!), and I HATED having to always go to the shop for my parents! Dad's favourite saying was "What's the use of having a dog & barking yourself?" haha! Anyway, Dad would always compensate my by giving me extra money so I could buy a Mars Bar! And I remember sometimes, he would let me buy TWO Mars Bars!! They were my absolute favourite treat in the world, and looking back now, I consumed a hell of a lot of Mars Bars in my early teens. But the trend of food as rewards was a constant in my childhood. I also remember the days of doing a paper round where I would get up at 5am in the morning in the freezing cold, and ride for over an hour delivering papers, and would come home to a lovely brekkie of cereal with milk and CREAM on top, prepared by my Dad as a reward for my hard & tiring morning. I shudder at the thought of it now, but I can still remember how I loved this for brekkie! All these treats & bad eating would have been fine for me growing up, if I exercised!!! That was the main problem! I didn't do any exercise. I gave up playing sport after Grade 6, and it was the big downfall I believe. My older brother (by 8 years) always played sport, so was always able to control his weight, and my older sister (by 4 years) always battled with her weight too, following in my Mum's footsteps of yo-yo dieting, but most of the time she was slim.

My weight really started to get out of control when I discovered alcohol in my late teens, and then of course things really got out of control with my first pregnancy, when I thought that was a licence to eat for two. I thought I would worry about losing the weight after the baby, but of course, that was just a joke, and I gained more & more with each pregnancy, then with the car accident & the onsuing depression & alcohol drinking, the weight just piled on, and here I am now!

I can see the patterns of my life when I am depressed, and how I get off track & eat & drink. And when I am holidaying, I eat & drink, and then struggle to get back on track afterwards, to get my head into "the zone". I understand that I am now on a lifelong journey to get fit & healthy, and it will take quite a while. I know I will get there eventually, and that in the meantime I need to continue being a good role model for my children, so they can grow up as fit & healthy adults, and pass on their healthy lifestyles to their own children. Yes it all started with me when I was a young child, but I understand that & will use that knowledge to improve my life.

This Is It.... Really, It Is!

The Biggest Loser Finale was on Sunday night, and this is the before & after pic of the winner, Emma. She is really inspiring! She started off the same weight as I did, and went on to lose over 65kgs (most of it not even while she was in the BL House!!!!), and God she looks HOT!! Just an amazing transformation, and something that I am going to aspire to!
Anyway, after claiming "This is it" last week, I fell off the wagon big time. A huge weekend of eating, drinking & arguments with the husband, and a gain of 2.3kgs for me this week. My total weight loss is now down to 25kgs, and it has definitely given me the enormous kick up the arse I need! I feel so disappointed & angry at myself for getting so off track. And unfortunately a lot of my anger is aimed at my husband for leading me astray (he is off track big time at the moment!) but I have to remember it is not his fault - it is mine for not having enough willpower to say no!
This morning I had made the decision to just call into my WW meeting & be weighed & not stay for the actual meeting itself, as I have been struggling with getting the boys organised with toys & snacks to keep them quiet whilst the WW Leader is talking. However, I gave myself a huge talking to, made the effort to get organised, and stayed for the meeting. It is definitely something that I need to make sure I do each week - it is almost like therapy for me, and it definitely keeps me on the straight & narrow when I attend meetings. Weighing in just isn't enough - I can do that at home on my own!!! So, I am here & now making a commitment that I will attend my WW meeting each week (unless sick or on holidays) to keep me in check!
Okay, enough blabbering. I can do this. I know I can. I just have to believe in myself a little harder & dig deep to find that strength!
On a positive note, I am back into my xtrainer exercise with a vengeance! God, I love it. I feel lost when I haven't had my hour on it! How lucky I am to find an exercise that I thoroughly enjoy & am addicted to!! Going to have a great loss this week! Cannot wait for next week's weigh in already!!! haha!
Onwards & downwards.......

THIS IS IT!!

I've had my fun away - 12 nights in Bali, 9 nights in Cobram, and now it's back to reality. And I'm on a bloody mission! THIS IS IT! And that's exactly what I am calling it - my "THIS IS IT" mission! I have no more holidays planned for a long while, and nothing to derail me, so this is MY time - time for me to get to goal!
Had a great time away. Beautiful sunshine, relaxing, kids enjoying themselves, and of course also food, chocolate (that Easter Bunny has a lot to answer for!), and wine, wine & more wine! But I enjoyed it all, and now am ready for the hard work it's going to take to get me to my goal!
Can't really believe it, but after 4 enjoyable years of maternity leave, I start back at work tonight. Not sure why am I doing it, as I don't really need to work financially, but I think it may subconsciously be a little hard for me to let go of my fantastic workplace, and also I think I don't like the fact I will be an unemployed "kept" woman! Stupid, I know, but I will give working a shot, and if it causes too much grief with the family, then I will resign sooner rather than later.
Anyway, so glad today is the start of my THIS IS IT mission!

Time to reassess some goals - 1. Stay under my daily points total; 2. Exercise every day; 3.Drink water, water, water; 4.Plan all my meals daily; 5. Religiously track every morsel.

Here's to a new me... Onwards & downwards.....

The Rollercoaster Ride of Life!

Ah, how funny to see the title of my last post "Back on Track". Yes, I am back on track, but unfortunately derailed myself on the weekend with 10th Birthday celebrations for my first born! It started off on Friday night with wine to calm the nerves due to 8 x10 year old boys sleeping over. My God, what a noise they made!! All good intentions for the weekend were out the weekend with more drinking & naughty snacking! Was straight back on the wagon Monday morning, but wasn't enough to stop the inevitable gain I was going to have today. Yep, 500gms gain today. IF ONLY I had exercised over the weekend, I think I might have stayed the same on the scales! Oh well, I am here on WW for life, and I still have to enjoy myself along the way. Speaking of which, I am off to Cobram on Sunday for the last week of the school holidays & the Easter break. 9 days away & I just can't wait! I know I will be drinking most nights, but will ensure I have healthy snacks on hand & will be eating well. One thing I notice at the van is that my portion sizes increase, so that is something I will have to keep a close eye on. Will be taking my scales to weigh in each morning to keep track on how I am faring. Had an ultrasound on my leg this morning (for removal of my varicose vein). I'm all very excited about moving forward with the improvement of me & my body. The future is looking so bright & it's bloody exciting!!!! Happy Easter for next week (won't be posting due to being away!!) Onwards and downwards.....