and So It Begins.... Again....

Returned to my Physio this morning after a long absence, and it has hit home how much I have neglected myself over the last 7 months.  My poor ankle was given a good workout (ouch) by him, and when I told him how I had gained weight after returning to work, his response was "after all your hard work!".  It really dawned on me how I have let things slide! 
And then it was back to my Weight Watchers meetings.  I was so embarrassed returning with my tail between my legs.  I wore my heaviest clothing & runners, as usually I weigh in wearing light clothes & slip on shoes!  Weigh in for me was 117.3kgs.  Ouch!  So, I will officially track my weight using the WW scales from now on, and not my home scales, where I weigh in naked first thing in the morning.
And so, I sit here typing this, having just hung up the phone from my Dad.  He has found out the results from his biopsy a couple of days ago, and the results are not good.  He has melanoma cancer, a very rare type, with not a very good outlook.  Devestating news, and my Mum is understandably beside herself.  I feel like vomiting, and crying & screaming, and feel useless.  And think I am being ridiculous sitting typing up a weightloss blog, when there are oh so many more important things that can be done.  And what the hell should I worry about weightloss for, when my Dad is up for the battle of his life right now, and that's a more important thing to worry about!
Anyway, lots to think about, lots to deal with, and need to take this one day at a time!
Let the battles begin....

Throwing in the Towel on the Dukan

Have struggled all weekend with the Dukan.  Out for dinner on Friday night, at work all day on Saturday & drinks & a roast with family yesterday, and it is all just too much!  I want to live my bloody life happily, whilst losing weight, and enjoy my food!  It's just not something that can be done realistically on the Dukan Diet!    Perhaps it is easier for someone who doesn't have 5 others in the family they have to prepare food for!  I don't know.... it's just not for me.
So, I may be throwing in the towel on the Dukan, but I am definitely not giving up on the weightloss.  I have just rejoined Weight Watchers, and will go back to my weekly meetings this Thursday.  I have lost over 30kgs with Weight Watchers, so I just KNOW I can get to goal once I put my mind to it.  I can do this.  I will do this.  And in the meantime, I can eat & drink like a normal person (all within points of course!!).
Did I mention it is only 41 sleeps til Christmas.  The excitement in this household is building!!!!
So, as I close one door, I open another.  Onwards & downwards...

Day 28

I was so hungry all day yesterday!!  I don't know whether it is the exercise I am doing that is making me so hungry, or what, but I ate all day long!    Anyway, I am happy to see the scales going down again!
Have just had a look back on my blog to my first entry on 27th April 2006.  I've been slogging away at this for over 5 years now, and I must say I am pretty disappointed with how far I have come - 5 years to lose just over 20kgs sounds like a huge waste of time.  But, I guess with 2 pregnancies, a few operations, and all of life's ups & downs, it makes sense.
I just finished reading Portia De Rossi's book "Unbearable Lightness" last night.  She struggled with anorexia & bulimia, and it was amazing to see how far she took things until she became so sick that she decided to do something about it!  Quite remarkable, and I could definitely relate to some of the things she said about dieting.
So, it is 336 days (48 weeks) until I am in Bali - with hubby & childfree!  I'm already excited!  AND I am determined not to be a big fatty boombah!!!  48 weeks to lose 33kgs should be a walk in the park.  My goal weight with Weight Watchers was 65kgs, but on the Dukan, it takes into account how many kids you've had, your bone density, your age & lifestyle, etc, and it's given me my goal weight of 78.8kgs, which is difference of 13.8kgs.  I think I'll use the Dukan weight as my first goal, and then see how I look/feel at this weight, and then take it further if need be.  Can't imagine being 78kgs, let alone under 100kgs!  BRING IT ON!!

Day 28 - Attack Phase Day 3
Weight: 111.8kgs (loss of 0.4kgs - Total Loss 4.6gs)

• 1 Egg, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, cottage cheese, cinnamon (delicious!!!!)
•  2 coffees, skim milk

Day 27

Feeling bloody fantastic today!  Amazing how good this diet makes you feel.  My ankle, however, is not too good and feeling the effects of getting back on the xtrainer for a rigourous (even if only 20mins!) workout!  I've booked to see my physio next week for a well overdue treatment!

Day 27 - Attack Phase Day 2
Weight: 112.2kgs (loss of 1.2kgs - Total Loss 4.2kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• No fat Mango Yoghurt
• 1 1 /2 Beef steak (Scotch fillet) cooked in soy & garlic, Non fat Natural Yoghurt
• Roasted chicken breast, no skin
• No fat Vanilla Yoghurt
• Tuna in springwater, cottage cheese
• 20mins xtrainer
• 1.5+ litres water

I have been absolutely starving today!!!!

Day 26 - Take 2 on starting again!!!

It's a long story, but on Monday (day 25), things went downhill, so I didn't start back properly on the Dukan.  Fish'n'chips for dinner, wine & left over cake with whipped cream were all too much for me to resist, and then Tuesday I just felt like shit & didn't want to start back on track.  I decided to wait until things "clicked" again with me, which can usually take a couple of weeks.  No point starting again when I wasn't going to commit.
Fortunately today (Wednesday) I woke up raring to go & get back into it.  So only 2 days for things to "click" instead of a couple of weeks or a couple of months - YAY!!!  Could it possibly be the fact that my hubby booked our accomodation for October 2012 when we're going to Bali!?!?!  Maybe!  Just the two of us to celebrate turning 40 (me in the September, and him in the November).  I have told him I WILL NOT ever go again overseas whilst being fat!  And I WILL NOT be fat when I turn 40!!!
Anyway, finally got back on the xtrainer this morning.  Geez, I love that machine!!  But it did nearly kill me!  Can't believe how bad my fitness levels have become since March.  I could do an hour plus easily on it, and today I did an intense 20mins, but felt like I was going to have a heart attack! 
Feeling so great & confident.  I have 31 days until my work Christmas party on December 10th & to lose 5kgs before then would be amazing!

Day 26 - Attack Phase Day 1
Weight: 113.4kgs (gain of 0.5kgs - Total Loss 3kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 1 1/2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• Steamed fish fillet with lemon & herbs, fat free natural yoghurt
• Kangaroo Fillet with cajun spices, fat free nat yoghurt
• Steak (bef eye fillet) dry pan fried, cottage cheese
• Small can tuna in springwater
• 1.5+ litres water
• 20min xtrainer

Day 25 - Starting Over!!!!!!

Well, what a HUGGGGEEEE week I've had!  Lots of partying & too much drinking and eating.  And it's just been too hard to follow the Dukan principles, so I didn't even bother trying.  It all started with a hugggggeeee Melbourne Cup Day BBQ at our place, then a 3 day hangover period - not as young as I used to be obviously, and even the thought of pure proteins made me want to vomit!!  Followed by sick kids, working late nights, a bus Shopping Tour, and finishing up yesterday with my eldest's First Holy Communion celebration, with chocolate cake, cheese cake, lemon tart & banana cake!!!
However, today I am starting afresh, and back to the attack phase.  In the book, Dr Dukan recommends starting with the Attack phase if you go off track. 
So, back to the grindstone, and will keep on track until Christmas, with the exception of upcoming Christmas parties in December.  And this time, I am determined to damn well exercise daily!!!
So, to recap, the 24 days I was on track with the Dukan (with a few wines here & there!), I lost 6.7kgs.  Not a bad effort!!!  My last weigh in was at 109.7kgs, and 9 days later (ie. this morning) I weighed in at 112.9kgs, which is a gain of 3.2kgs - eeeeek!!!  Still, 3.5kgs in a month is not a bad weight loss in the normal scheme of things really. 
So, here we go... again.....

A couple of pictures of me yesterday. God I hate having my photo taken at this size!!!

Day 25 - Attack Phase
Weight: 112.9kgs (gain of 3.2kgs in 9 days - Total Loss 3.5kgs)

• 2 Eggs, 2tbs oatbran, 2 coffees, skim milk
• Kangaroo fillet cooked with Cajun spices, onion, cottage cheese