Friday, May 27, 2011

Where It All Started!

I've been reading a few weightloss blogs lately, and have come across some stories of where the weight gain started. Some such stories have been of abused & neglected children who have used food to make up for the lack of love they've felt. Very sad beginnings for some people.
I have been so fortunate to have had a wonderful childhood & loving parents. And I have often looked back at where my love of food & weight gain started, and wish it was an easy one to work out. I was always a little chunky growing up. Always the big girl - not obese, but just not slim in any way. And I do in a tiny, little way blame my parents. Growing up in the 70s & 80s, there just wasn't the knowledge & awareness of obesity. I remember our dinners always fried in oil, and although we always ate vegies, it was always served up with lashings of butter on top, and we had to eat EVERYTHING on our plate, even if we were full. I remember watching my Mum battle with her weight, and try all the fad diets on the market - acupuncture, meal replacement milkshakes, pills, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers... the list goes on. And I remember her always giving up after a couple of weeks & gaining all the weight back & more. And then Dad setting her up in the garage with a weight workout so she could work off the weight, and that always lasting only a couple of weeks as well! My mum was the Queen of yo-yo dieting, and I remember my sister & I joining her in her fads at an extremely young age, when we were most impressionable! God, I remember having grapefruit for brekkie and I must have only been about the age of 10!! Is there a worse taste than grapefruit? I think not!
I know I shouldn't really blame my parents. They loved us & we had a fantastic life, and they weren't to know things like this would rub off on us in such a way. I am VERY aware with things like this with my own children now, and explain to them how fruit & vegies are important, and things like junk food are great in limited amounts, and how all the exercise they are doing burns off the amount they eat, etc etc. They know I am on WW & that I exercise daily because of it, and because I want to be fit, and they understand how much weight I have lost, but we don't dwell on it, and we don't make it a huge issue. I am trying my hardest to lead by example & show them how to eat & live well, and I am proud of the job my husband & I are doing with the kids!
Anyway, back to my childhood..... I remember going to the shops for smokes for my parents (remember, this was the early 80s and kids were allowed to buy smokes as long as they had a note from their parents - and in those days the Milk Bar was across the road from our house & the shopkeeper knew my parents!), and I HATED having to always go to the shop for my parents! Dad's favourite saying was "What's the use of having a dog & barking yourself?" haha! Anyway, Dad would always compensate my by giving me extra money so I could buy a Mars Bar! And I remember sometimes, he would let me buy TWO Mars Bars!! They were my absolute favourite treat in the world, and looking back now, I consumed a hell of a lot of Mars Bars in my early teens. But the trend of food as rewards was a constant in my childhood. I also remember the days of doing a paper round where I would get up at 5am in the morning in the freezing cold, and ride for over an hour delivering papers, and would come home to a lovely brekkie of cereal with milk and CREAM on top, prepared by my Dad as a reward for my hard & tiring morning. I shudder at the thought of it now, but I can still remember how I loved this for brekkie! All these treats & bad eating would have been fine for me growing up, if I exercised!!! That was the main problem! I didn't do any exercise. I gave up playing sport after Grade 6, and it was the big downfall I believe. My older brother (by 8 years) always played sport, so was always able to control his weight, and my older sister (by 4 years) always battled with her weight too, following in my Mum's footsteps of yo-yo dieting, but most of the time she was slim.
My weight really started to get out of control when I discovered alcohol in my late teens, and then of course things really got out of control with my first pregnancy, when I thought that was a licence to eat for two. I thought I would worry about losing the weight after the baby, but of course, that was just a joke, and I gained more & more with each pregnancy, then with the car accident & the onsuing depression & alcohol drinking, the weight just piled on, and here I am now!
I can see the patterns of my life when I am depressed, and how I get off track & eat & drink. And when I am holidaying, I eat & drink, and then struggle to get back on track afterwards, to get my head into "the zone". I understand that I am now on a lifelong journey to get fit & healthy, and it will take quite a while. I know I will get there eventually, and that in the meantime I need to continue being a good role model for my children, so they can grow up as fit & healthy adults, and pass on their healthy lifestyles to their own children. Yes it all started with me when I was a young child, but I understand that & will use that knowledge to improve my life.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

This Is It.... Really, It Is!

The Biggest Loser Finale was on Sunday night, and this is the before & after pic of the winner, Emma. She is really inspiring! She started off the same weight as I did, and went on to lose over 65kgs (most of it not even while she was in the BL House!!!!), and God she looks HOT!! Just an amazing transformation, and something that I am going to aspire to!
Anyway, after claiming "This is it" last week, I fell off the wagon big time. A huge weekend of eating, drinking & arguments with the husband, and a gain of 2.3kgs for me this week. My total weight loss is now down to 25kgs, and it has definitely given me the enormous kick up the arse I need! I feel so disappointed & angry at myself for getting so off track. And unfortunately a lot of my anger is aimed at my husband for leading me astray (he is off track big time at the moment!) but I have to remember it is not his fault - it is mine for not having enough willpower to say no!
This morning I had made the decision to just call into my WW meeting & be weighed & not stay for the actual meeting itself, as I have been struggling with getting the boys organised with toys & snacks to keep them quiet whilst the WW Leader is talking. However, I gave myself a huge talking to, made the effort to get organised, and stayed for the meeting. It is definitely something that I need to make sure I do each week - it is almost like therapy for me, and it definitely keeps me on the straight & narrow when I attend meetings. Weighing in just isn't enough - I can do that at home on my own!!! So, I am here & now making a commitment that I will attend my WW meeting each week (unless sick or on holidays) to keep me in check!
Okay, enough blabbering. I can do this. I know I can. I just have to believe in myself a little harder & dig deep to find that strength!
On a positive note, I am back into my xtrainer exercise with a vengeance! God, I love it. I feel lost when I haven't had my hour on it! How lucky I am to find an exercise that I thoroughly enjoy & am addicted to!! Going to have a great loss this week! Cannot wait for next week's weigh in already!!! haha!
Onwards & downwards.......