100 Reasons Why

So, my reasons why I am doing this.  Why I am battling to get healthy & fit & not giving up.  These are my 100 reasons why....

1. I want to feel happy within myself
2. I want to feel fit
3. I want to BE fit
4. I want to feel healthy
5. I want to BE healthy
6. I want to feel strong
7. I want to BE strong
8. I want to lift weights like a Boss!
9. I want abs
10. I want to not feel disgusted when I look at my reflection
11. I want to feel confident
12. I want to stop avoiding school drop off/pick up incase I see someone I know
13. I want to look good naked
14. I want to FEEL good naked
15. I want to wear nice clothes
16. I want to never feel despair in a change room of a store again
17. I want to shop in those stores I currently walk by and look longingly at
18. I want an outfit from Lorna Jane
19. I want to wear nice underwear
20. I want to own a matching lacey bra & undies set again
21. I want to feel sexy in my own skin
22. I want to not be embarrassed of my body infront of my husband
23. I want to comfortably wear bathers at a pool or the beach
24. I want to go on an overseas holiday without stressing about what to wear
25. I want to go on ANY holiday and not stress about what to wear and what will fit me
26. I want to not worry that other people are judging me
27. I want to be able to eat in public without thinking of what other people are thinking of me
28. I want a thigh gap
29. I want a flat tummy
30. I want toned arms with no Bingo Wings
31. I want a smaller bum
32. I want less weight stress on my ankle
33. I want to be the best role model I can be to my kids
34. I want my kids to be proud of me
35. I want my kids never to be embarrassed of their fat mum
36. I want to sit on a ride at a theme park & never worry that I won't fit
37. I want to have energy to get out of bed in the morning
38. I want to have energy to play with the kids at the park
39. I want to go rock climbing
40. I want to climb a mountain
41. I want to inspire people to get out & do it!
42. I want to be the best version I can possibly be of myself
43. I want to ride as much as possible in my quest to help conquer cancer
44. I want to enjoy every second of every day
45. I want to seize the moment
46. I want to enjoy nourishing my body with good food
47. I want to nourish my children's bodies with good food
48. I want to teach my children about good nutrition
49. I want to live a long life to watch them grow old
50. I want to feel my emotions and stress and not find them in the bottom of a wine bottle
51. I want to be able to live without counting calories
52. I want to exercise for the love it
53. I want to not stand out for being the fattest in a group
54. Or the fattest in a room
55. I want to walk long distances without puffing
56. I want to lie down without feeling like my boobs are suffocating me
57. I want to be able to walk into a gym without feeling all eyes are on me
58. I want to be able to walk into a gym thinking they're looking at me cause I look good
59. I want to love my life more than I do now
60. I want to not feel stressed
61. I want to jump with the kids on the trampoline
62. I want to swim with the kids at the pool and beach
63. I want to try & surf
64. I want to tandem skydive
65. I want to run up the steps of the Eureka Tower
66. I want to be able to plank for 2-3 minutes
67. I want to wall sit for over 5 minutes
68. I want to look good in workout gear
69. I want to join a boxing class
70. I want the robes at hotels to fit me
71. I want the bath towels at hotels to wrap around me
72. I want to go to Bali & not have the shopkeepers tell me they have clothes for big ladies
73. I want to be average
74. I want to be extraordinary
75. I want to be exceptional
76. I want my husband not to be able to keep his hands off me
77. I want to wear singlets without worrying about my fat arms
78. I want to wear short dresses
79. I want to wear shorts
80. I want to wear a sports bra
81. I want to not feel hopeless in an aerobics class
82. I want to be faster on the bike
83. I want to be proud
84. I want to be awesome
85. I want to look awesome in lycra
86. I want to learn to swim properly
87. I want to be able to hire costumes for dress up parties that fit me
88. I want to do a MB 12wbt Finale workout without stopping
89. Or being embarrassed at my ability
90. I want old friends to say "wow" when they see me
91. I want energy all day long
92. I want a satisfying life
93. I want to be content & have that rub off on my family
94. I want to snow board
95. I want to climb Uluru
96. I want to go horseriding
97. I want to ride the 180km Around the Bay in a Day
98. I want to do Paint Ball skirmish
99. I want to share my joy
100. I want to live my life to the fullest

I've Got This

So, following on from my post this morning about "Choosing My Hard", let me give you a run down of my day, and how I chose my hard at about 12.30pm today.

I didn't get out of bed until 9am (God bless school holidays), and I stumbled out of bed to make myself a coffee.  Breakfast consisted of a slice of left over pizza from last night's dinner.  Not lovely homemade style pizza, but greasy kebab meat with garlic sauce pizza.  I finished the pizza, and chased it down with another coffee, and a chocolate biscuit.

I then decided to "spoil" the kids and bought them McDonald's for lunch.  I drove down and bought it for them.  They love McDonald's.  I don't.  But when I saw the 4 year old's left over Chicken nuggets, I thought to myself "bonus" and chomped on one.  Half way through, I decided enough was enough.

I chose my hard then and there.  I have felt crap about my myself for the last week or so.  To be honest, I felt pretty crap about myself in Bali as well, but I just washed that feeling down with another Bintang.  It's the same feeling I had when I weighed 125-135kgs and couldn't look at myself in the mirror.  Or when I did see myself, or saw a photo of myself, I felt disgust.  That's the EXACT way I am feeling right now.  Disgust.  Disappointment.

So,  I stood at the kitchen bench & felt guilty that I was making myself some ham & salad wraps for lunch, and here I was "treating" them to that shit food.  They didn't need it, they didn't ask for it, I thought I was doing a good thing by them. An hour later, they were all hungry again.  Of course.  Shit empty food with no nutritional benefit to them.

So I had my yummy healthy wraps, and then decided to do some exercise.  I set the new season of Survivor up to watch on the PC (lurvvvveee Survivor!!), and I got on the xtrainer.  Oh, my beloved Xtrainer, how I love thee!  And how dusty you have become of late with no one paying you any attention!  30 minutes was all I could handle with my daily nausea getting the better of me.  235 calories I would not have burnt if I hadn't of chosen my hard right there & then.  And I will hopefully back this up with a stint on the spin bike later when not feeling so yuk.

This weightloss thing, this healthy eating & exercising thing, this staying focussed thing.... it's ALL in the mind.   And I am strong.  I can do this.

One day at a time.  One meal at a time.  One workout at a time. One positive decision at a time.

I've got this.

Onwards & downwards.....

For F*ck's Sake Friday.... & Choosing My Hard!

It's Friday, and time to recap the week that was, and everything that has given me the shits!  Here's my instalment of FFS Friday....

Although it's only been 10 days since our return from Bali, it seems like it was months ago.... FFS

I've had nausea every morning since our return to Oz.... FFS

No, not pregnant, just obviously a "Bali Belly" tummy bug lingering.... FFS

It's school holidays and I am loving the sleep ins, and not having to make lunches & snacks for the kids... No FFS

But the noise in this house with the 4 kids home is unbelievable.... FFS

School holidays are the reason parents drink! ..... FFS

Actually KIDS are the reason parents drink!.....FFS

I love 10 pin bowling!! .... No FFS

But not the 4yo child who complains he is bored with it after 10 minutes.... FFS

School holiday bowling fun!

I've struggled to get my head out of holiday mode & to get off the nightly wine drinking.... FFS

And the snacking that goes with wine drinking.... FFS

And to get back into exercising..... FFS

The Western Warriors garage crew

Haven't been able to participate in our weekly Garage sessions with our workout group for AGES due to heel spurs & then Bali, and joined in on Saturday, and loved it..... No FFS

And did a 70km bike ride last Sunday & felt fantastic after it... No FFS

Have I mentioned how much I love being on the bike?... No FFS

There's nothing like trying on clothes in a store to make you realise it's time to get back on track... FFS

And realising that I am 10kgs heavier than my lightest weight on the 12wbt.....FFS

Time to sit & plan, write out goals, and pull my head out of my big fat arse... FFS

I have been reminding myself of the saying "Being overweight is hard.  Losing weight is hard.  Choose your hard".  I've chosen my hard.... No FFS

I officially only have 5 weeks of work left until I enter the world of unemployment!....FFS

I've been working since I was 17, so it's going to be strange not having an employer & a regular income coming in.... FFS

The thought of applying for jobs, then having job interviews scares the bejesus out of me!....FFS

I've been getting my Christmas shopping done before we are paupers and aim to have it all done by the end of October.... No FFS

I've wrapped my first couple of Christmas presents, to which 4yo Aidan exclaims we need to put up the Christmas tree..... FFS

I did actually consider it...... FFS

He says it's so he can hide under the tree - what the?... FFS

Unlike my Grinch of a husband, I love Christmas and everything that goes with it... No FFS

It's the AFL Grand Final tomorrow..... No FFS

And I'm working all day.... FFS

1st Xmas pressies wrapped!

It's FFS Friday! The Holiday is Definitely Over....

Have had an amazing week and a half in Bali, and now back to reality of cold Melbourne weather, housework and cooking.  Blurghhhhh....

Where Greg & I had a massage on our last day in Bali

The kids were bouncing off the walls, they were so excited about Bali.... FFS

The flight over to Bali was terrific, the kids well behaved, and the mini wine bottles plentiful.... No FFS

The weather was amazing whilst we were away, with only one brief stint of rain one morning... No FFS

My heel spurs were long forgotten, and I was able to spend 10 whole days in thongs (flip flops).. No FFS

We ate out at many fantastic places, La Lucciola on Seminyak beach was definitely a highlight, as well as a lovely Turkish place we found in Legian... No FFS

First meal in Bali at Cafe Asia

La Lucciola

Seafood at La Lucciola

We had a ball at the beach, with the kids boogey boarding and building sandcastles... No FFS

And the hire of beach lounges for $5 a day, as well as plentiful Bintang on hand was a bonus.. No FFS

I drank more than my body weight in Bintang... FFS

Every day... FFS

Not to mention the cocktails, or the Duty Free Vodka.... FFS

Callum & Owen boogey boarding

Fun in the sun

Greg getting his first ever mani/pedi & foot massage

There's a slice of cucumber & tomato!!!!

$2 meals in Bali

I couldn't count how many times I had my favourite Indonesian dishes of Nasi Goreng & Mie Goreng - YUM.... No FFS

The Villa we stayed in we nicknames "Fawlty Towers"... FFS

Too many issues to list down, but a quick few were the Wifi hardly ever worked, the electricity kept cutting out before finally breaking down one night when it was dark, the kitchen stunk of mould, and the cleaner didn't clean.... FFS

Not to mention the pool cleaner turning up without notice - catching me once nudie rudie!!! ...FFS

AND the next door's rooster that cock-a-doodle-doed from 3am until dawn!  FARK!  EVERY SINGLE MORNING!!!! ...... FFS

The highlight of my trip was the nudie bomb done in the pool by Greg after Carlton won a game unexpectedly....No FFS

Kids in the pool at Fawlty Towers

Birthday breakfast cocktails

Brekkie with the family

Waterbom Park

Celebrated my birthday in style - cocktails at breakfast, then the day at Waterbom Park with the kids.... No FFS

Had an absolute ball there, which surprised both Greg & I ..... No FFS

Left Fawlty Towers after 8 nights and headed to Club Med in Nusa Dua... No FFS

How we all felt about being at Club Med!!!

The exhilaration we all felt driving up the road to Club Med was unbelievable - we love that place... No FFS

Kids were shuffled off to Kids' Club pronto, and we headed to the bar for a quiet cocktail or two... No FFS

Ahhhh, peaceful adult time... No FFS

With no friggen rooster!!!!  .....No FFS

The food at Club Med is AMAZING..... No FFS

Not all 12wbt approved however... FFS

Duck Confit

Desserts

More Desserts

The next day Greg & I had a lovely massage on the beach - bliss... No FFS

The airport check in on the way home was a nightmare... FFS

Hot stinky airport with 4 tired children for a 10.30pm flight home is not ideal... FFS

Kids were great on the way home, sleeping the whole way... No FFS

Unlike Greg & I who only managed small naps... FFS

Arrived home to wet, cold Melbourne, and have already started looking at trips for next year ..... FFS

Weigh in the day after showed a gain of 6.4kgs ...FFS

Not a bad effort in 11 days.... FFS

Now back to working hard to shed that gain and more.... No FFS

Our favourite place to holiday with kids - CLUB MED!

Paige after her performance on stage at Club Med

Owen & Aidan in Kids Club

Callum playing beach volleyball at Kids Club

Aidan enjoying the slip'n'slide at Kids Club