For F*ck's Sake Friday 26th July

So, here's this week's instalment of FFS Friday - a lighthearted look back at the week that was!!!

At the physio!

Recovery from Run Melbourne is still going on - 5 days later... FFS

Heel spurs & a sore ankle is just a barrel of laughs... not... FFS

Spending 2 days on crutches was shit - with the biggest problem being how to carry a cup of coffee from the kitchen to the lounge.....FFS

Worked out I could do it by scooting along on the office chair on castors.... No FFS

Spilt coffee all over the lounge carpet whilst doing so.... FFS

And then had to clean it up... FFS

Physio confirms no more running for me & to stick to the bike... No FFS

Sore ankle or not, managed to get out twice this week & rack up some good KMs on the bike... No FFS

Love the bike! ....No FFSWent to work last night to discover my work hours are changing and I will need to start at 4.30pm during the week.... FFS

There is no way I can be at work by 4.30pm, so I will therefore be late to work for every shift that starts at 4.30pm... FFS!

What are they going to do?  Sack Me?  Wait........ They have already!  ...FFS

Bike ride, the coffee with hot water bottles!

Discovered some staff that have been at work for only 3 months are getting a larger payout than me!!  WTF?  I've only been there 9 years 6 months longer than them & my payout is smaller!... FFS

F*ckers! ....FFS

Have to work an extra shift next Monday 11.30am-6pm  - training for changes that are taking place!!! Seriously??? ...FFS

Morale is so low at work, it's hard to drag myself in there... FFS

Although some days I am running out the door to get away from my kids.... FFS

Only 2 weeks until we hit Adelaide for the 12wbt Finale.... No FFS

I have not lost any weight since last Finale ...FFS

And I have nothing to wear... FFS

Signed up for the next 12wbt round.  I"m ready... No FFS

The Bolt of Lightening

I remember the day when it struck me that I was really overweight.  It was the 26th April 2006 & a little boy at my daughter's Kinder asked me why I was so fat.  I knew I was overweight, but it really didn't dawn on me until that moment that I needed to do something about it.

It was like a lightening bolt had hit me.

I've been off track with weight loss numerous times.  And every now & then a lightening bolt will hit & it will kick me back into gear.

Like in May 2012, when my bestie Jenny mentioned the 12wbt, and I looked it up & decided to give it a go.  It was full steam ahead, and in those first 3 months I lost nearly 18kgs!

Since then it's been a roller coaster ride of being off and on track.

And then today another lightening bolt struck me.

It was a freezing rainy Melbourne day, and I went for a short 25km bike ride to the beach with a couple of lovely training buddies, Karen & Vasso.  Of course, once we reached the beach, we stopped at my usual little cafe for a coffee hit.  The thing I like about this quaint little cafe is that it is an open air cafe, and they have blankets for your lap when it is cold outdoors.  To our surprise today, the owner brought us out hot water bottles, bless her.

Coffee with our blankies & water bottles!

Whilst sitting there warming up, we discussed who was doing the next round of 12wbt, or what we would be doing if we weren't signing up again.  Vasso mentioned she was doing a challenge at her gym with a Personal trainer, and she suggested I might like to do something similar.  I said "I don't want a personal trainer.  I can do this on my own".  And Vasso replied "But obviously you're not".
Now, she didn't say this rudely, or cruelly.  She was truthful & to the point, and I will be honest, her comment took me aback.  I sat there and thought about what she had just said, and it made me angry.  Not at her for what she had said, but at me, for making her think that.

So many people have watched me come this far over the last 12 months, and now am I going to let them watch me fail?  Am I going to let them watch me put back on all the weight I've lost?  Am I going to let them see me transform  into the unhappy shell of a person I was before?  Am I going to let my children down by becoming an unhealthy role model & a disappointment to them?  Am I going to fail Greg by not being a supportive partner & continue to sabotage our health & fitness goals?

The answer is NO!

The lightening bolt has struck again.

Thank you Vasso.  Without even realising it, your one small comment has given me the motivation to get back on track again.  It was just what I was waiting for.  It was what I needed to hear.  It was what made me come home & track the calories I had eaten on My Fitness Pal.

No more eating & drinking my feelings.

Onwards & downwards....

Run Melbourne

An exhausted Greg after his Half Marathon

Sunday was Run Melbourne.  Greg woke early & left home with his running buddy (also called Greg)  for the Half Marathon.  The kids & I got in to the city a couple of hours later & waited patiently at the Finish line for Greg to cross.  Unfortunately we were looking out for someone wearing a white cap, not a grey one, and we missed him, only to find him at the Finish line chatting to others a minute or so after he'd finished.  Bugger that we missed a photo, but a new PB for him!!  So very proud!

The morning had started off badly for me with trying to get the 4 kids organised and out the door by 7.45am.  It should have been an Omen for what was to come.  In hindsight, I should have taken up my Mum's offer on minding the little two, but they were keen to catch up with a friend's child who was supposed to be there, so I opted to take them along to see their Dad finish the race.  It was a beautiful sunny morning in Melbourne, but absolutely freezing!  The complaining started the minute we got out of the car!

Moi, Callum & Paige at the start of the race

Callum, Paige & I were ready for the 5km Run Melbourne race, and I had made my mind up I was going to run the whole thing.  Never mind the heel spurs I have been battling for the last 4 months.  And never mind the fact I hadn't run (or even jogged) since the Mothers' Day Classic.  Yes, it was a foolish thing to think, and as we started off, I knew that I wouldn't be able to run the whole thing.  I walked, jogged, walked, jogged.  Callum & Paige took off running, and would meet me at the Finish Line.  They were fantastic & both really enjoyed it, and were stoked to receive their medals at the end of it.

I ran over half of the 5km, and as I was nearing the finish chute, the pain in my ankle was shooting up & down my leg.  I knew then that this would be the last time I would attempt to run.  Paige was waiting at the finish line for me, and we had a quick cuddle, before I limped off to sit down and get my shoe off!

Unfortunately for Greg, the afternoon was a write off for me.  I couldn't weight bear on my ankle, my heel felt like it was bruised, and I was relegated to using crutches again.  Poor Greg had just run 21.1kms and he had to look after the kids & cook dinner.  I was told in not such a nice manner that I was never to do an event on a day when he was doing one!  It was something that reduced me to tears, but I can understand his frustration and his exhaustion after his morning's effort.  However, I didn't set out with the intention of getting injured - I set out to run 5km Goddamit!!!!

A visit to my physio today and he concurred that my running days were over.  I'll stick to the bike and as my friend Jess said to me today, I'll "make the bike my bitch!"

The bloody awesome Western Warriors who completed the Half Marathon -
Emily, Greg, Renee, Greg, Theresa, Kristine & Nicole

FFS Friday 19th July

Wise Words!!!

It's another Friday (already!!!), and unfortunately it's been a week of high emotion & a few tears!  Here goes FFS Friday....

Dad spent the weekend in hospital with an infection & bacteria in his blood.... FFS

He gave us all a big scare, but he's out now & doing well..... No FFS

I have been so lazy with my clean eating & exercise, and haven't even weighed in this week.... FFS

Next round of 12wbt I am going back to basics - going to treat it as my very first round & follow the bloody thing PROPERLY like I did back in June last year.... No FFS

Have a tumour on my inner thigh apparently.  Ultrasound this afternoon on it, then a visit to the surgeon to have it removed in the near future.  Doctor thinks it is most likely benign, so I am not adding it to my list of things to worry about.... Yet..... FFS

I was given my payout figure for my redundancy, and they've taken out my maternity leave, so are only paying me out for 5 years of service, when I've been there for over 10 years!  Such a kick in the guts when you've been loyal to a company for a decade.  I miss out on an extra 6 weeks pay and my Long Service Leave.  Bastards.... FFS

WTF?

I won't let it go without a fight.... No FFS

The morale at work is so low it makes it an effort to keep turning up for another 3 months.... FFS

The reality of finishing work has finally hit me.  I won't be going back to work with these people I've been with since forever, and I'll miss them.   I will never find a job so flexible with my work hours. I will never find such a great casual work environment - where else can you wear ugg boots or thongs to work?  And I'm incredibly sad about it ....FFS

The kids have returned to school & kinder this week.  No more sleep ins and lazy mornings for me, but at least I have my 2 1/2 childfree days back again..... No FFS

I was able to get out for two bike rides this week, only short ones (24km & 27km), but better than nothing! ....No FFS

God I love being out on the bike ..... No FFS

I am doing the 5km "joffle" (jog/shuffle) at Run Melbourne this Sunday .... No FFS

And I have really bad heel spurs .... FFS

AND I'll have all 4 kids with me .... FFS

And they'll complain .....FFS

And it will probably rain ..... FFS

Greg will be doing his second half marathon - so proud of him..... No FFS

Aidan had a photo shoot with the Herald Sun this morning, so he will be in the paper this Sunday... No FFS

Aidan at the RAAF Museum for his photo shoot

My girlfriend's mother died due to Motor Neurone Disease in March this year.  She has just found out her older brother, a father in this forties, now has this dreaded disease.  It's all I've been able to think about the last few days.  Heartbreaking .....FFS

Puts EVERYTHING into perspective.... No FFS

It's FFS Friday Again!!!

Seriously, how quick are the weeks flying by? Time for a recap on what was shit this week (FFS!) and what wasn't too bad (no FFS). Here goes...

I'm typing this whilst sitting in the car waiting for Paige to finish ballet ....FFS

She's had ballet every friggen day this week smack bang in the middle of that day, so we can't do anything major and it's school holidays ....FFS

Dad ended up back in hospital last night and will be there all weekend with an infection. ....FFS

God bless Peter Mac Hospital staff ..No FFS

Have been loving the lazy mornings and laying in bed until after 8am with the kids on holidays ....no FFS

Although seem to be waking during the night with a 4yo in between us more often than not .....FFS

How does he get in between us without waking us? .....FFS

Dry July has been the biggest failure since the Atkins Diet! .....FFS

Although I've had enough of being off track and am finally ready to go hard again .... No FFS

Starting Monday ....FFS!!!

If I hear my kids singing the Metro Trains "Dumb Ways to Die" song again I may go insane .... FFS

Or my daughter doing the "Cup Song" from Pitch Perfect again! Arghhhh!! ....FFS

The weather this winter has been brilliant - really cold but most days lovely and sunny without rain .....no FFS

Have been feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness with the impending work redundancy :( ....FFS

And have just been informed today that I need to do a day of training on the new system that is coming in - that I'll only be at work to use for 2 months (what the ???). ....FFS

After misunderstanding an overheard conversation, my 4yo announces today that when I finish work I will stay home and bake all day! Haha! ....FFS

I've got news for him! ...FFS

Can't wait to get back on the bike next week when the kids are back at school and kinder ....no FFS

Although I am sure with my luck it will be raining! .....FFS

Or one of the kids will be home sick ....FFS

Until next week....

I'm a Little Teapot Short & Stout!

It's school holidays, and I have my CBF pants on.  For those not into acronyms CBF = Can't Be F*cked!  I just can't be bothered doing ANYTHING!

Unfortunately, my exercising has taken a hit as well.  I just can't be bothered with the effort of organising kids to get out & exercise.  Sure, I could do it at home, but I can't be stuffed!!!!

12wbt has been out the window too.  I can't be bothered counting calories.  I can't be bothered weighing out my food.   I am still cooking 12wbt dinners though, which is one blessing.  Although there have been a few nights of takeaway food thrown in.  And too much wine.  Dry July?  What's that?

I ate half a cow!!!

On Sunday my team were taken out for lunch by work, and the old me returned.  I had the biggest steak on the menu, aptly called the "Tomahawk"!  This huge chunk of meat came out on the biggest pile of chips you've ever seen.  And of course I ate it all.  I then just HAD to have the tasting plate for dessert, as everyone else was having it!!!  This time last year I would have ordered a salad for lunch & skipped dessert, but no, I just had to go all out.  And I washed it down with a bottle of wine.  Afterwards at home, I felt so tired with my belly full of wine & too much food.  And then the tummy pains started.  It was a great reminder to myself why we need stop eating when full & not to keep eating until the plate is empty.

The dessert platter I just HAD to have!

Of course, I have been feeling like a failure.  I know I'm actually not a failure, but I feel like I have failed in this round of 12wbt, especially when the round was paid for me by other Vic Crew members, who had such high hopes for what I would achieve.

So where have I gone wrong?  What is different this round than all the other rounds?  A big factor is support.  Greg has been my major support & we've been in this together, but as he's gotten closer to his goal, he's lifted his foot slightly from the accelerator, and instead of me powering on, I joined him in slowing up.  Now in no way am I blaming him - this is MY own journey & although we're in it together, I am the only one responsible for my actions.  He is not forcing wine down my throat.  He is not in my ear telling me to lie on the couch instead of getting on the xtrainer.

However, I do have so much support outside of our home, that I forget about.  I have my awesome Western Warrior training buddies.  I have my work mates.  I have my circle of gorgeous girlfriends.  I have my extended family.  I have all those 12wbt groups on the 12wbt forums & Facebook.  I just need to remember to utilise them!

Last week after the shocking day I'd had with Dad having an operation and the news I was made redundant at work, one of our 12wbt buddies Bec turned up on our doorstep armed with 2 huge dishes of 12wbt Mexican Shepherds Pie.  To think she took the effort to cook (which she doesn't do often) and also cooked meat (as she is vegetarian) just blew me away.  And just the fact that she even thought to do this, was just so beautiful.  Thank you Bec!! xx

Bec's awesome Mexican Shepherd's Pie

Saturday morning we held our usual garage session & our training buddy Emily turned up with a bunch of tulips for me.  Such a thoughtful gesture that meant so much (and nearly reduced me to a blubbering mess!)  Thank you Emily x

Beautiful tulips from a beautiful girl x

Tuesday I answered the door to a delivery from my gorgeous friend Megan in Sydney.  A beautiful message in a card, and the most devine little teapot and cosy I've ever seen!  Megan, you'll never realise how much that brightened my day, and has every day since!  Mwah x

XOX Megs XOX

I have so much support everywhere else, that I need to remember I can't use Greg as my crutch all the time.   I am armed with all the tools I need to do this.  I have a huge support network to help me.  I can do this.

There are 3 weeks of this 12wbt round left, 4 weeks until the next round starts, and I'm not writing myself off.  I am going to use these next 4 weeks to get me back on track 100%.  I need to start making things a habit again.  And we can't afford for us to keep paying $400 every 12 weeks if we aren't using the program tools to our full advantage!

So, over the next 4 weeks I plan on getting back my focus & control.  These are the steps I will put into immediate action:

• Plan our meals fortnightly
• Do one big grocery shop for the fortnightly meal plan, with just top ups of essential fresh stuff
• Do a big cookup once a fortnight to have meals ready to go for those days I am working or when I can't be stuffed.
• Plan my exercise fortnightly, including my 3 rides a week when I don't have kids!!!
• Listen to Michelle Bridge's weekly messages, and read the forums to gain support & inspiration
• Use my support network when I am derailing to get me back on track

It's so frustrating to me because I know I can do this.  And I know I will do this.  School holidays are ending, and now it's time to put the foot back on the accelerator!!!

And I can get out on the bike!!  Woot woot!

For F*ck's Sake Friday - July 5th

That time of the week again where I look back on the shitty (FFS!!!) things that have happened, or the not so shitty (no FFS!)

Out for a bike ride walk

School holidays have started, meaning no more rushing around in the mornings and laying in bed until after 8am!!!  ....No FFS

Except that husband and youngest son always wake me early before 7am ......FFS

But no lunches & snacks to prepare whilst yelling at the kids to get ready  ....No FFS

But means I don't get to go on my weekly bike rides as no kid free days for 2 weeks ....FFS

Although we did get out for a bike ride with the neighbours, resulting in me walking my bike more than riding it due to the little ones on their bikes..... FFS

Dad had a major operation this week to remove some cancer.... FFS

But he's recovering well & is just amazing with his attitude to it all.... No FFS

Have been made redundant from my job of 11 years.... FFS

Toby's nightly spot for relaxing - my shoulder!

But have work until October 31st.... No FFS

Have some bloody fantastic friends who have been so supportive this week.  Special mention to our training buddy Bec who does NOT cook, but went out of her comfort zone to make us a lovely 12wbt Mexican Shepherd's Pie.  AMAZING!.... No FFS

Found our foster cat Toby a loving forever home..... No FFS

He leaves our place on Sunday..... No FFS

I will miss him curling up on my shoulder each night to watch TV.... FFS


But won't miss changing that revolting kitty litter..... FFS

And won't miss not being able to leave ANYTHING on the kitchen bench - THIS JUST happened whilst I was writing this post - smashed bowl by the cat.... FFS

Broken bowl, thanks Toby!!!

Have a team lunch on Sunday, which means I still get paid for my 8 hour shift of work, but instead I'll be out eating with my workmates & drowning our sorrows about our redundancies!... No FFS

Had a lovely day out today with my bestie & her 3 kids in the city... No FFS

Aidan (and friend) at the NGV today

I love coffee .... No FFS

Although drink too much of it lately... FFS

And wine.  Oh wine how I love thee..... FFS

Supposed to be doing "Dry July" but have failed miserably a couple of times this week due to my stress levels over above incidents.  There's still heaps of July left to be dry though ....FFS

Mountain Bread delivery

Finally got around to ordering Mountain Bread online.  No idea why it took me so long to do it, when we go through so much of it & it is nearly half price online!!!  Free delivery to boot with a minimum of 8 to be ordered....No FFS

Spotted my brother & his 3 sons at the Tour de France last night - jealous much? ...No FFS

My brother at the TDF, complete with footy in hand!

9 weeks til we holiday in Bali..... No FFS

Best I lose some weight before then... FFS


Onwards & downwards!!!

Puttiing It Into Perspective AGAIN!!!

What's the old saying about lemons????

Or perhaps pass me some salt & tequila?

It's been a shit of a week.  Yesterday I found out I am being made redundant from my job of 11 years.

Poor me.  Going to be out of a job.  I'll no longer have my cushy hours with the awesome group of girls I work with.  Woe is me.

12wbt has been going shit as well.  I just can't KEEP motivated.  I can't seem to string more than one or two good days together without straying.  And exercise?   It's school holidays.  Too hard!

But to put it all into perspective.... I still have my Dad with us, who is battling cancer.  Things haven't been going well, and he had to have an operation yesterday to cut some of the cancer out.  And today is his 66th Birthday.  Happy fucking birthday!  Not a nice way to spend the day, but at least he was able to come home today & spend the day with Mum instead of in a hospital ward.

So, in the grand scheme of things, I've lost my job.  Big deal.  I can get another one.  I'm battling to stay on track with my health & fitness.  Big deal.  I know I can do it and will get back into it eventually.

The main thing is I have my Dad still, and that's all that matters!  Perspective.

Happy 66th Birthday Dad.  Love you x

Life Lessons by Denis Wright

On the weekend whilst reading The Herald Sun, I stumbled across an article on Denis Wright.  This man has been living with an aggressive brain tumour since 2009.   I just wanted to share Denis's 10 life lessons, as I thought they were pretty amazing.....

Life lessons by Denis Wright

1. Don't spend your life in a job you hate. Life is too short to live it only in the evening and at weekends.
2. If there's something bad happening in your life you genuinely have no control over, learn all you can about it and how to live with it. Beating your head against a brick wall is unproductive.
3. If you think you can change it, then go all out to do so. Try to understand its nature and work with it where you can.
4. There are no 'good' and 'bad' decisions. If you made what you think might have been a poor choice in life, learn from it, and you might make a better one next time. You don't know what's going to turn out good or bad in the long run, so regrets are a waste of time.
5. Don't agonise about the past, in the sense that you can't change it. Live in the slice of time that's the now. You can't live in the moment; it's too short. The slice is richer. It contains a little of past, present and future.
6. Apologise as soon as you can when you think you've hurt someone. Don't try to pretend you're perfect. Accept responsibility where it's due.
7. Keep your options open for as long as possible. Don't close them unnecessarily.
8. Try to keep your sense of humour if you can, though it's not always possible.  Carpe Diem ... Or, for a change, seize the day!
9. Do not be afraid of death. "If you're not more afraid of your own death than you need to be, then you need have little fear for anything life can hand out."