Tears & Tantrums, and an Anniversary!

It's been a ridiculously busy week.  And somewhere in there, hubby and I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary.  And how did we celebrate it?  We went to the school fete.  Ho hum.  And then had a fight that resulted in hubby going to bed early, and me drinking a bottle of wine whilst on the couch with a block of chocolate.  Oh dear!
Anyway, tensions have been high this week, and I have had more than a few days of tears & tantrums.  Unfortunately the kids have copped the brunt of it, and it has made me have a good hard look at myself and ask if I have been sinking back into the depths of depression.   I don't think so.  I am just currently feeling exhausted (still not 100% from the Vertigo) and extremely overwhelmed.  The kids after school activities are definitely taking a toll on my patience, and I just seem to have to be rushing everywhere & not have any time for myself.  It is extremely frustrating & making me VERY grumpy.  Discussions on quitting my job, and other alternatives have come up between hubby and myself (sometimes not very nicely), and we have decided today that perhaps we should get a fortnightly cleaner, just for a few hours to help ease the burden.  We'll give it a try & see how go!  Fingers crossed....
Anyway, Weight Watchers this week has been going great on the weekdays, but I went a bit overboard on the weekend with wine & food.  I did count ALL the points for everything that I ate & drank, which is something I haven't been doing, so that's one good thing to come of this week.  I have also managed to get on the xtrainer nearly every day.  And with my efforts came a loss of 1.9kgs this morning at my meeting.  Fantastic result, but I have to keep in mind the gain of 3.2kgs I had last week.
So now comes the big battle.  I'm not weighing in for 2 weeks due to the Easter holidays & us going away.  I have to keep up with the exercise - xtrainer when I am home, and we are taking our bikes away with us, so lots of riding planned.  I need to drink WATER at every opportunity, and TRACK TRACK TRACK even if I can't weigh everything I eat whilst away, I can estimate to keep my going.  And I need to keep away from the Easter egg chocolate & hot cross buns (my favourite dropping with butter!).
So, onwards & downwards......

No Looking Back.....

Feeling so much better, although not yet 100%, and was able to make it to work over the weekend.  Was also able to make it to a work dinner at The Melba Restaurant at The Langham Hotel on Southbank in Melbourne.  Wow, what a dinner it was!  A beautiful a la carte smorgasbord, complete with sushi made to order, Indian naan bread cooked fresh to order, seafood galore, Peking duck pancakes made to order, full carvery, and a mini dessert selection, complete with chocolate fountain, to die for!!!!  I didn't give WW a thought, and here's a picture of my dessert plate, as I wanted a taste of everything.  I didn't eat it all of course, but must admit, the Creme Brûlée was AMAZING!!!

That night I went to bed and was unable to sleep due to my aching belly.  Piggery at it's greatest, and definitely not something I will want to repeat in a hurry.  I wasn't surprised when I weighed over 2kgs heavier in the morning after plates & plates of food!!!

Footy training started for my eldest son on Monday night, and I found it extremely hard to get out of the car once we were there.  The group of Mums I hang out with during footy season were so encouraging of me last year & the year before & the comments they gave me about how good I looked are something I remember vividly.  TO say I was embarrassed for them to see me 20+kgs heavier is an understatement.  As I got back in the car after training, I closed my eyes for a minute and made a mental note to remember that feeling.  Whenever I start to get off track again, I need to draw on the feeling for inspiration.  It was a terrible & gut wrenching feeling of shame & embarrassment, and I want to remember it ALWAYS.

I managed to get to my WW meeting yesterday, and was a little shocked my gain was so high.  3.6kgs!!! WTF!?!?!  Okay, I know I would have had a gain after that dinner on Sunday night, and of course I haven't tracked my food for 3 weeks, but 3.6kgs?!?!  WOW.  I was astounded.  And disappointed.  And ashamed.  Again!

This time in March last year, I weighed 22.1kgs less.  God, I felt fantastic.  I'm devastated!

Anyway, as I expressed my dismay when stepping off the scales yesterday, the WW assistant who was weighing me said something that made an impact.  "Don't look back.  It's in the past.  Look forward".   I got home & jumped on the xtrainer.  I made sure I walked to Kinder for the pick up of my 4yo.  And then I walked to school to pick up my kids, which was no easy feat - 45min round trip, pushing a double pram loaded with scooters & helmets for the older kids on the way there, and then loaded with school bags on the way home.  Today I am feeling it all over - even in my tummy muscles!  And I love the feeling!!!!

So, I have to remember, I may have many bumps in the road, and will just think of this last year as a BIG bump - getting off track with hubby being depressed about his working life, then trying to eat & drink my way through dealing with my Dad's cancer.  And then the last couple of weeks I've had a bump with sickness.  But, I can do this.  And I am going to do this.  I will take it one day at a time, and string my good days together to form good weeks with good losses.  And then will string my weeks together to form good months, and I will watch the kilos fall away.  I am not looking back....

Onwards & downwards.....

Vertigo...

The virus I have had had lead to an inner ear infection, that has caused vertigo, so I have been out of action for 10 days now.  Hubby has had to take the week off work as I've been unable to do anything due to dizziness.  I've just ventured between the bed & couch.  Walking & standing has made me dizzy & nauseous.  Such a bloody frustrating illness to have!  The prognosis from the doctor was it could take 4-6 weeks to improve!!!
So, I've had a week off work, been unable to do the 2 big bike rides we had planned last weekend, and eating has been TERRIBLE!  Such a wasted shame on my part as I've had no appetite, so it could have been a perfect opportunity to drop some KGs, but no, I sunk back to what I do best - eating crap to try & make me feel better.
The upside is that today (Friday) I am feeling better, and I am absolutely RARING to go with exercise & WW.  I'm tempted to jump on the xtrainer today, but I am wanting to return to work tomorrow, so don't want to overdo things.
Good news also today that hubby has raised his $2500 to partake in the Cure to Conquer Cancer ride, and I have so far raised $950.  Just so frustrated that I can't get people to dig into their hip pockets for this!!  What is wrong with some people!?!??!

Anyway, hopefully next week I will be 100%, and be able to get to my WW meeting for an official weigh in.  Onwards & downwards......

Sick, and No Weigh In....

I am still sick with this bloody virus.  Thankfully, the kids are all better though.  Therefore I didn't make it to my meeting & weigh in, so I'm not going to officially post a figure.  I am using my home scales as a guide, but will only post "official" weight as per the WW scales.
I am just feeling so lethargic & horrid, and can't wait for this to pass.  All I want to do is lay on the couch in front of the TV or sleep.  Terrible!  I just want it to hurry up & pass so I have some energy.
Back to tracking, and will be back on board with exercise soon once I feel better.  Will up the water intake today as well.
Onwards & downwards......

Time to Pull My Finger Out!!

It's been a hectic week & a half, which is why I haven't posted lately.  Since my last post, I had the best weekend meeting the WW girls.  We all just "clicked" straight away & spent a lovely weekend eating & drinking in the Melbourne CBD.  I am lucky to have met such wonderful women, who I count as some of my closest friends.  After all, they know so much about me after all these years!!  And what an effort some of them made to get here - from New Zealand, New South Wales, ACT, Queensland & around Victoria.  Amazing, and I am truly so lucky to have found these girls!!!
Anyway, Febfast is now over, although I did drink on the Saturday night of the catchup.  I didn't do Febfast as a fundraising drive like last year, just for myself really.  I am putting all my fundraising efforts into the Cancer ride.  We had an orientation session for the ride last week, and it has made me so excited about it.  I've so far raised over $700!!  Only $1800 to go.  I'm still amazed at what tight arses some people can be.  It's for a fantastic cause AND it's a tax deductible donation!  What the hell is wrong with people!?!?  I look at the people I work with, who buy takeaway once or twice a day, not to mention takeaway coffees, and they can't spare $10-$20?? I just don't get it!  I must admit, it does make me furious, as I ALWAYS donate when friends ask me to.
So, the week after the girls' weekend, I failed to track.  I failed to exercise.  I failed to drink water.  And I had a loss of 200gms at last week's weigh in.
This week, I have failed to track.  I have failed to exercise.  And I have failed to drink water.  I've just felt terrible the last week - exhausted (working too much!!!) and run down & generally unhappy.  My oldest & youngest boys have come down with the virus that is going around - headaches & fevers, and today I have woken up with it as well, and as an added bonus, TTOM arrived to boot!  Joy!  The only good thing is I have no appetite!!!
Anyway, as the title of this post reads, it's time to pull my finger out.  200gm losses each week for the last month is just ridiculous.  I need to get serious.  So, as soon as I feel well again, it's back to tracking 100% of the time, and back to the xtrainer/bike riding, cause before I know it October will be here with my Bali trip & then the 200km bike ride, and I need to shed this weight before both of those occasions!

Onwards & downwards....