The Biggest Reason for Doing This.....

Monday night we have weekly swimming lessons for the kids.  My eldest has stopped his lessons as he is a terrific and competent swimmer.  We were sitting side by side on the wooden benches, watching the little two have their lessons (daughter was in the other pool behind us), and he reached down & patted my leg and said "Mum, I am very proud of you and all you're doing to lose weight & to get fit & healthy".   Just a flippant comment, out of the blue.  I nearly burst out sobbing there & then.  THIS is the reason I need to do this.  These kids are my everything, and they should have a mum they are proud of, and who can set them the best example of how to live a healthy life.

Just received a message from a friend, who had stumbled across this blog (via my husband's blog).  My first thought was of panic.  Shit, she knows how much I weigh!  And OMG she knows all my failures & has seen my fat photos!  Argggghhhh.  I raced to hubby's blog to find out where the link was, but then I thought.... SO WHAT?!!?  I'm not going to be this fat ever again.  I have made the decision to FINALLY put an end to all the excuses.  I like where hubby and I are heading together, and I should not be embarrassed by my journey to my ultimate goal.  So, this is me.  I weigh 117.7kgs (as of this morning), and I am not going to stop until I get to 65kgs!  Bring it on!!!!

The Demon Called Self Doubt!

Well, had a very deflated day yesterday, and went for a long bike ride, and during it, I had lots of time to think.  Self doubt starting creeping back in!  I can't do this 12wbt - I'm not losing enough weight.  I can't do the exercise every day - I don't have time.  I can't do the 200km bike ride in October - I am not fast enough & I have sore knees.  Self doubt?  Or excuses????  The self doubt thankfully didn't lead to any self sabotage, which is what it would have led to in the past!  I am committed 100% to my clean food intake in this 12wbt, and am not tempted by foods (although the potato chips the kids snacked on yesterday afternoon smelt SOOO good!).
And yes, potato chips.  I am not going to deprive my kids of treats.  Just because we aren't eating crap, doesn't mean the kids can't have an occasional treat.  They are great healthy eaters, and I am happy with their diets!

I caught up for a chit chat with girlfriends last night, and on the table were bowls of lollies, chocolate, chips, dip & bikkies, but I stayed strong! And today I have woken with a new attitude, no more self doubt.  My day was made even brighter with my weight on the scales - 118.1kgs, a drop of 1.1kgs overnight.  Oh, why does it always happen a day later!??!?!

Anyway, in regards my self doubt, I am going to battle with these thoughts & win....

• I can do this 12wbt - as of today I've lost 7.7kgs in 24 days!  That's amazing!!!
• I can do the exercise EVERY day!  I have time, I just have to MAKE it!!!
• I can do the 200km bike ride in October.  I just have to train harder & more often.  And even if it takes me 10 hours a day to ride it,  I will DO it.  It is nothing in comparison what people battling cancer are going through!

I am sure self doubt will rear its ugly head often through this journey, but as long as it doesn't lead to sabotage, I will be fine.  I can battle it & win out, and kick major goals.  I also have the unwavering support of my husband & best friend, who are both doing AMAZING on this as well, and who are both doing the bike ride with me in October!  

Onwards & downwards......

WTF!?!?!?

Yep, just checked my blog, as I am sure I posted a pic the other day showing the scales at 119kgs!  And then a couple of days later they were 118.4kgs.  But TODAY, which is weigh in day, they are 119.2kgs.  WTF!?!?!  A 300gm loss for the week!  I have kept to the plan, I have been exercising!  Where did I go wrong!?!?!?  The only thing I could think of that wasn't 100% was that I didn't drink much water yesterday, but surely that wouldn't lead to a gain.
Okay, rant over.  As a friend has said, it's a loss, and it all goes toward the end result in the grand scheme of things.  Just have to keep positive & keep slogging away at it, and I will get there.
Did my measurements last night & have lost 24cm overall, so that is something positive this week I guess.
I will NOT be disheartened, I will NOT be disheartened!

Monday Funny!

Saw this on Facebook and had to share!  Love it!!!

Ouch!!!

Our PT sessions we have organised are at 6.30am on Saturday mornings.  Nice and handy for us, as it is convenient that the 4 kids are still in bed, and the older ones look after the younger ones when they wake, until we can come inside from the garage.  And I really like the Personal Trainer Dee.  She's no nonsense & says it how it is!
Our first week was just a fitness test that will be revisited every 6 weeks.  This week, we did boxing.  All I can say this morning, a day later, is OUCH!!  It even hurts typing this post!!!
BUT I love it!  I absolutely loved boxing classes when I did them all those years ago, and we're talking about 20 year ago, and yesterday I absolutely loved it too.  There is something about smashing my fist into something that I get absolute pleasure out of!!  I wish I could do it every day.  Hubby and I are going to look into buying some gloves & pads, and doing some boxing ourselves.  Bring it on!!!

My Inspiration Board....

Last week we were set the task on the 12wbt to create an inspiration board.  And here is mine.....

It contains the following:

• Hubby - who is in this with me, and who I love dearly.  I want to look good & feel sexy for him.  We are also doing the Cancer bike ride in October, and I don't want to let him down by being slow & unfit on the ride!
• My 4 kids - I want to be the best version of myself for them, and be a great role model for them as they grow up.  Especially my daughter, as I don't want her to follow in my footsteps of weight battles.
• Clothes - I want to be able to wear gorgeous dresses when we go out & feel comfortable in jeans, and wear a nice tankini on holidays, and not feel like everyone is looking at me, the fat one!
• Fat photos - I will NEVER look like this again!
• Inspirational messages - these keep me in line & remind me why I am doing this!
• Boxing gloves & runners - The "tools" we are using.  We've bought new runners, and we've hired our own PT for Saturday morning sessions in our garage.  We've also bought a new weight station & of course, my trusty xtrainer is a getting a work out too
• Wine - Oh how I miss my white wine in the evenings.  But we are going cold turkey on the wine for 12 weeks to keep ourselves 100% focussed and on task.
• Bali - We're going on a child free holiday in October, and I want to feel fantastic and comfortable with myself.  Also going back in March 2013, and I've promised to take the kids to WaterBom park, and I want to get on those waterslides with my kids!!!!!

The Hunger Games

Well, not exactly fun & games, but I have been feeling hungry the last 2 1/2 weeks eating only 1200 calories.  Looking back, I must have been consuming about 3000-4000 calories a day when not being careful with what I ate!!!  I could easily do 1200 calories on coffees in a day!!!!
For lunch, I now eat a wrap or a sandwich, yes, just one single wrap or sandwich. I would always eat 2 sandwiches at least!  When I dish up dinner, I look forlornly at the huge pile of food on my 11 year old's plate, and then at my own bare plate.  BUT, the strange thing is, I am beginning to like the feeling I have of hunger.  Now, don't get me wrong, it's not ravenous hunger.  When I feel like that, I have an early lunch, or a snack to tide me over to my next meal.  It's hard to explain.  For instance, I have just had a cup of green tea, a bowl of muesli & yoghurt with Skinny Milk, and I still have a feeling of hunger - like I could eat another 2 bowls of it!  So, really I have had enough to satisfy myself, but I still have a little niggling feeling of hunger.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, it is this feeling that I am learning to love.  It's like I know I am doing something right.  Strange, but I'll run with it.

Last Monday, under 120kgs!  Whoot Whoot!

Today, weighing in at 119kgs!  

Yes, I know I shouldn't weigh in every day (or at night, or after a shower, or after a wee, or after exercising), but I just can't help it....  "My name is Julie & I am a serial weigher"!  I find it helps to keep me on track.  If I see the scales not moving, I know I have to up the anti a bit.  And if the scales ARE moving, then I know I'm on the right track.
Monday I did a happy dance when I finally weighed in at under 120kgs!  Whoot Whoot!  Yes, I know that feeling, and have been there before (*sigh*), but I swear I will never be back there again!
By the end of this 12wbt, I plan on being under 110kgs.  9kgs to go in 9 weeks & I am going to SMASH it!!!  And of course, there is my ultimate goal of being in double digits!  I just cannot imagine how great that would feel.  I was right there last year before we went to Bali in March, before everything became unravelled - I think I weighed in that week at about 100.3kgs!  Oh, how I am desperate for this!
Hubby is still on a hot roll with his weightloss too, and he's even started his own blog.  He hasn't ceased to amaze me in the last couple of weeks!!!
Check out his blog here....    20 Years of Living in the Dark

Onwards & downwards.....

Grumpy Pants!!

Geez, I am SOOOO bloody grumpy!!  And the poor kids have copped the brunt of it today!  I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am just sooooooo tired, and I could've just lay down anytime today for a big sleep.
Michelle Bridges had a live feed on her website last night & she was answering questions from the 12wbt members.  She mentioned that Week 3 is generally the time when you feel a slump coming on, and boy, was she right!  I just feel so lazy.  And all I want to do is eat!  Of course, I am still exercising, even when I would prefer to be laying about on the couch in my pjs & Ugg boots!!!  Speaking of which, just got my first pair of Ugg boots this week, and can I just say "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME HOW COMFY THEY ARE"????  I do have to confess, I did wear them once to Kinder pick up, and I think I will be wearing them a few times over the next few very cold winter weeks to work!!!!  I am going to ignore the thought that only bogans wear Ugg boots!  I just love them, and wish I had of bought another pair in a different colour (mine are chocolate).
Anyway, I digress!  Even though I want to be lazing about, I am living by the saying hubby and I use frequently - "NO EXCUSES"  and Michelle's saying "JFDI" (Just F^&^%^ Do It).   It's tough, but I think of how I want to look and feel, and it helps to spur me on.  My eating has been brilliant too - clean & simple, and I am feeling wonderful for it.
Onwards & downwards......

Man Vs Woman

Well, we're into week 3 now of the 12wbt, and hubby and I are still going great guns.  But I thought I'd take a minute to write about the frustrations of men losing weight and women losing weight.
TTOM (That Time of Month) arrived for me last night, and then with my sneaky daily weigh in, it showed a gain of 200gms overnight as well.  How frustrating is it for us women, that once a month we must be heavier because of TTOM!!  ARRGGHHH I could scream.  Of course, before TTOM we have to go through the emotional hormonal roller coaster  - last night I bit off hubby's head & spat it out just because I was tired & grumpy & didn't get to sit down on the couch until 9.30pm!!!   And then the hormonal "need" to eat as much crap as possible.  Thankfully, I am well on track with my eating, so when I noticed my increased hunger in the last few days, I made good choices.   For instance, I had 2 wraps yesterday instead of one, but I had the extra calories cause I was only having pumpkin soup for dinner.
But of course, the husband is going great guns.  He even did a boxing class last night at a local gym.  So very proud of him, but also a bit in awe, as I have never known him to want to exercise or be fit since we have known each other.  So glad he had his lightbulb moment.  For his sake & for mine - it makes it so much easier for me when he is focussed & on track!
And of course, my best friend is also on this journey & going great guns.  So proud of her too.  I know how hard it is to be a working Mum & stay on track, but she is a machine when she puts her mind to something!
Something that I thought about last night whilst doing the laundry (at 10.30pm!!!!) in my foul premenstrual mood.  Michelle Bridges, in the week 1 of the 12wbt, said that there is no excuse to not exercise.  If the previous Prime Minister of Australia could make time to exercise each morning, then surely we could.
Well, I am sure the PM didn't have to do his own washing, and that of 5 other family members!  I am sure he didn't have to prepare any meals, let alone that of a family of 6.  I am sure he didn't have to run around after 4 kids, with school, kinder, ballet, footy, swimming, art class, parties, sleepovers, etc.  And throw in 20+ hours of evening & weekend shifts at work!
Yes, he had a country to run, but he had numerous people to help him!!!!!  Grrrrrrrrr!!! Ahhh, how much better I feel having got that off my chest!!!
Onwards & downwards.....

12wbt Second Weigh In

Second weigh in today for the 12wbt & over the moon to report a loss of 3.4kgs. I have now lost 5.1kgs since starting this program 9 days ago!  It's just amazing!  And all I can say is "Why didn't anyone tell me about this program sooner"????  The hubby has dropped a total of 6kgs as well, so together, we are firing!
That's not to say the last 9 days have been smooth sailing.  As per my last post, there were a couple of nights when tears were shed, and a couple of times I've been so exhausted I've bitten hubby's head off.  I hate cooking at the best of times, and I just seem to always be in the kitchen!!  Of course, you don't have to follow the nutrition plan to the T, but it was something we both decided together we would do, and we've made the menu plan accommodate our family of six.
However, all in all, it's been a great experience so far.  It takes a lot more planning than I am used to, but the menu is such a variety, that it hasn't caused me to want for anything yet.  And although I am very tired and it seems that every inch of my body aches,  I am loving the feeling of it.
And it's helped me change my mindset.  There are no excuses anymore.  I am exercising every day whether I like it or not!
Today is the only day of the week I get 3 hours to myself whilst the youngest is at Kinder, but I still got on the bike for an hour & went for a ride.  The thought of lying on the couch with a cup of green tea watching some crap TV was definitely something I preferred to do, but I made sure I got out & just friggin did it!  And I feel so much better for it now!
Onwards & downwards.... Loving this!!!

Week 2 of 12wbt

Wow!  What a week!  Round 2 of Michelle Bridges' 12wbt (12 Week Body Transformation) started last Monday 4th June, coincidentally, Owen's 5th Birthday!  Hubby and I were as anxious as ever, and keen to get started.  The Thursday before, our menu plans & exercise plans for the week were released, as well as a shopping list for everything we would need.  We were set!  Had to make a few adjustments to accommodate cooking for the family, as the menu & shopping list only serves two, but otherwise, we were ready to go!!
When Monday arrived, we both were keen as mustard & had engines roaring.  We took photos of ourselves in our underwear.  And we weighed in - I weighed in at a hefty 125.8kgs.  I'm not yet game enough to post my underwear shots on here, but I am sure I will at a later date when I have updated photos to compare them to.

Turkey Mountain bread wrap

Beef Fajita

Apple tart with low fat ice-cream

 The food on this plan is sensational, and our kids have really loved it too.  This last week for dinner, we have had such meals as Vietnamese Beef noodle soup, Penang Chicken, beef fajita, cajun chicken, lamb cutlets, Mexican Shepherds Pie & crumbed fish.  All absolutely delish!!!  The brekkies & lunches have been just as superb, and it has been relatively easy to stick to the 1200cals a day with the menu like this.  There were a couple of days were I felt really hungry, but they've passed, and I've also come to realise that those times I felt starving were time where I was at home & bored & looking for something (other than housework) to fill my time, so obviously boredom has played a bit of a part in that.
Now, the exercise.  Let me just say, there were a couple of days of tears earlier on in the week.  On this plan, for someone like me who weighs over 100kgs, we are supposed to burn 500+ calories a day & 1000+ calories on our Super Saturday Session (known as SSS).  On the very first day, it took me well over 2 hours to burn 500 calories.  It was 10pm at night & I broke down.  There was no way I could sustain a program like this!!  Where was I going to find the time in my busy schedule with work & looking after 4 children to exercise for 2 hours a day, and then 4 hours on a Saturday?!?!!  Just impossible!  On Tuesday I exercised for over an hour & only burnt 320 calories, Wednesday I didn't manage it again, and yet again more late night tears were shed.
Until I came to the realisation, I am exercising every day for at least an hour.  I am moving my arse & sticking to the food plan perfectly.  The scales are moving in the right direction, so obviously I am doing something right!?!!?  Stuff the 500cals for the moment.  I will give my all for an hour of my day, regardless of the calories (although I am still wearing my Heart Rate Monitor just to keep track!).  It was like the cloudy skies parted & the sun shone through!  Alleluia!
Anyway, exercise this week has consisted of Michelle Bridges' workout DVDs, walking, xtrainer, and stairs. Having worked 3 long 8+ hour shifts the last 3 days, I was concerned at how I was going to get my exercise in.  I get 2 x 15min breaks at work plus a half hour lunch break.  A friend at work & walked the half an hour every lunch break (130 calories), and I spent 10 minutes of each of my breaks going up & down a flight of stairs (90 calories each session).  Let's just say, my legs have been so sore I have been hardly able to walk, and I have muscles aching I never knew existed in my legs!  I'm loving it!  As the stairs are right next to the toilet at work, I have made myself go & up down the stairs once every time I go to the toilet - which is a hell of a lot due to the amount of water i am drinking at the moment.   Feeling so very proud of the little things I have achieved this week.
And did I mention - NO WINE??!!  Not one drop!  YAY!!
So, our weigh in day on the plan is Wednesdays.  Our first Wednesday weigh in, only 2 days into the plan, and I weighed in at 124.1kgs - a loss of 1.7kgs.  Amazing!!!  Looking forward to our next weigh in tomorrow.