2012. The Year in Reflection

NYE 2011 - 130+kgs

I've just been reading the amazing Sarah McGee's blog, and she has written a few things that she's learnt in the last year.  Mind you, she has lost 63kgs!!!  Ah-mazing!!!!  Such a lovely girl in person as well.  Of course, it's all good and well to lose weight & inspire other people, but if you're an arsehole, well, that's another story!  Ms McGee on the other hand, is just gorgeous inside & out, through & through!!!

Anyway, her blog post got me thinking of my year in reflection, now that 2012 is coming to a close.  And you know something?  I really can't remember much of the first half of the year before I started the 12wbt.  Nothing notable happened at all - birthdays, a couple of holidays, but it was all in a blur of eating too much, being a sloth in front of the TV, and drinking wine almost every night.  And then June 4th rolled around, and just like that, my life changed.

Now, in retrospect, this round and the last have been nothing compared to that very first round, where I gave it my all.  Life does happen, and things do come up.  But I am proud of myself with how I just keep going each and every round.  I have a bad day, a bad week, a bad round, but I will not give up.  This is for the rest of my life.

Following in Sarah's footsteps on her blog, here are a couple of things I've learnt about myself and about life in the last 7 months since that magic day on June 4th...

Some of the local 12wbt crew on our Boxing Day boxing session

1. I love exercise!  In the beginning, or even when I've had a bit of a break from it, it could be a struggle to get into the routine of it, but I have found that I love exercising, and I really miss it when I can't do it.  Walking, riding, boxing, circuit training, Mish's DVDs.  I love it all.  And I can't wait to get into weight training as we set up our home gym over the next few months.
2. Healthy food isn't boring.  The new ingredients and flavours we've been cooking have been fantastic!!!  I'm never going back to the old cooking I used to do!  Even the kids love it.
3. Cooking isn't a chore.  God, I hated cooking.  Especially at dinner time.  I would rather stick a fork in my eyeball than cook dinner for the family!   Back in June I remember standing in the kitchen crying because it seemed I spent so much time there preparing our 12wbt meals.  But now I am a bit more prepared, I know what I'm doing and I actually like it (it's not love yet, but that may happen!)
4. Living healthy makes me happy.  The whole family has benefited from the 12wbt.  I can see how unhappy both Greg and I were, although we didn't even know it.  
5. This is my own journey, and I don't compare myself to anyone else.  Whether it be others on the 12wbt, or Greg, I don't make comparisons anymore!  I remember in the first round when Greg's weightloss really took off, and I was just so shitty that I wasn't losing weight as fast as him.  Then a lightbulb went off, and I realised this was MY journey.  Although we're on the same path together, our journeys are totally different and we're at a different pace to each other.  But we'll both reach the final destination eventually.  And if Greg gets there first, I have no doubt he'll be waiting for me with open arms.
6. I've made some amazing friends on the 12wbt.  I must admit, I am a little shy when it comes to meeting new people, and some can take me the wrong way due to my sarcasm, or mistake my awkward shyness for rudeness.  Lucky Greg is anything but shy!!!!!  But I have met some beautiful people along the way.  Many on the 12wbt forums & Facebook groups, who I am fortunate enough to have met at the last two finales I've been to.
7. Health is SO IMPORTANT!  After being struck down with Ross River Virus, this has been highlighted to me over & over in the last couple of months.  I've loved been in tune with my body on the 12wbt, but having no control over it with the RRV has really frightened me & made me aware how important it is to have a healthy & fit body.
8. Cancer is a fucker!  And I will raise $10,000 over the next 10 months for my Ride to Conquer Cancer benefiting Peter Mac & shave my head bald!
9. Michelle Bridges ROCKS!!!!

So, 2013 is nearly here.  I will get to goal weight this year, but more importantly, I am going to be fit, strong, happy and the healthiest I have ever been.  And I cannot bloody wait!!!!

Goodbye Silly Season!!!

My bestie Jen & I at our Kris Kringle dinner

Well, my notable absence on my blog is well & truly an indication of how I've been going on the 12wbt.  One word to describe it?  SHIT!!!!

WOW what a huge couple of weeks!!!!  Dinners and catchup with friends, ballet concerts & rehearsals, kindergarden & school concerts, kinder picnics, Paige's birthday, the list goes on!!!!  All whilst battling Ross River Virus, and not having a car whilst it was in getting fixed after the smash.   Unfortunately the silly season seems to have gotten the better of me, and my weeks have been filled with no exercise & copious amounts of booze & bad food choices.   Sure, I haven't been well with the RRV so I have an excuse not to exercise, and this week I have had the mother of all toothaches, but there is no excuse for eating badly & drinking in excess.

Last week I gained 500gms.  This week I gained.... wait for it... *drumroll*.... 3.9kgs.  Yep!  Overindulge much?

This last week before Christmas was hectic to say the least.  With not feeling well, and little time, unfortunately we fell into the trap of takeaway food for convenience.  I might add here also that our freezer is FULL of frozen 12wbt meals, so there really was no excuse!  In one week we managed to eat fish'n'chips, pizza on 2 nights, and KFC (my daughter's choice for her birthday).  Throw into that Christmas day at our place with the inlaws & a boxing day of drinking & eating leftovers, and I should be lucky 3.9kgs was the only damage!!!  I can only put it down to being tired & lazy in the build up to Christmas.  Still, no excuses!

So here I sit today, weighing 105.3kgs, and I am owning it.  I had a great Christmas period, and enjoyed my nights drinking with Greg.  But it's over now.  I don't want to slip back into those old habits.  I don't want to be that person anymore.  All the booze is gone.  The leftovers & crap food are in the bin or eaten.  Today is a fresh start.  I'm off the booze, and even plan on having a dry New Year's Eve.  And I am even looking forward to it!

Our beautiful Christmas tree, decorated by the kids; the new trainers Greg & I
 bought each other for Christmas (yep mine are the bright yellow ones!); Santa photo; our 4 little elves

 
In a week's time we go away to our caravan for 2 weeks, and I plan on coming home in double digits.  This is a HUGE ask.  Holidaying at our caravan is usually a time of beer drinking in the sun, and wine drinking with nibbles at night.  But not this year.  The caravan park has a new gym, beautiful new pools, and a walking/running track.  We'll be packing our boxing gloves & pads, and taking our bikes, so there is really no excuse for not exercising each day.  We CAN DO THIS!  Together as a team, Greg and I will smash this!!!

Aidan & I with Paige on her 10th Birthday, 2 days before Christmas.

So, the silly season is over & done with.  I'm still hit & miss with the days I feel well & the days I am bed ridden.  But there is no excuse for not eating clean, and exercising on those days I do feel good.  Let's do this!

I hope you all had a fantastic & safe Christmas, and enjoyed your time with friends & family!  Christmas definitely is just such a beautiful time of year - my favourite by far!

Now on to 2013!  Cannot wait!  Onwards & downwards....

My First Triathlon!!

I've just signed up for my very first triathlon.  Lord help me!

Now, I know that I may be slightly insane signing up for it seeing as I am currently suffering from the effects of Ross River Virus, but I really want to do this!  I've signed up for the short course, but hope I will be able to get the training in (and of course feel well enough) to do the medium course.  I'm not worried at all about the bike leg, or even the running leg (which I will walk/jog/shuffle, or as Greg calls it, joffle!), but I am worried about the swim leg.  I am not a strong swimmer, and to tell the truth I can't get the breathing thing correct without gulping down water whilst doing freestyle.  But I will give it my best shot anyway.  Oh, and there is another thing.  BATHERS!!!  My Lord, I really don't want to be seen in bathers!!!

It's week 3 or 4 of having RRV.  Or is it week 5?  I've lost count with all the horrible days blurring into each other.  I do know that I've only had 3 days of feeling well in the last 2 weeks.  Tuesday of last week, Sunday just gone, and today I am feeling pretty good as well.  I'm a bit worried because I seem to have a really, really bad day after a day of feeling well, and tomorrow I have a 7 hour shift at work, followed by our work Christmas party.  I am praying I will be okay for it, as I really want to go, and I've paid for Greg to come as well.  Fingers crossed!

So, battling on!  5 weeks until the Triathlon Pink!!!

Down In the Dumps

I must admit, I am just miserable.  I feel like crying constantly at the drop of a hat, and it's all because I can't stand what is going on with my body, and that I have no control over it!

The constant feeling of being tired, no matter how much rest & sleep I get is driving me insane.  And the days where I feel nausea all day long are just an added bonus.  Not to mention when my back, wrists, ankles, knees, jaw or any other body joint aches.  I seriously just don't know how I am going to keep going on like this if there is no improvement.  It horrifies me when I hear stories of people suffering from Ross River Virus for 9-12 months!  Are you kidding me?  My life is far too busy for that!!!!

It's been such a full on week with more to come in the next few days - Kinder concerts, ballet rehearsals & ballet concerts, School concert, school Mass, Kinder picnic, Work Christmas parties.  Not sure when I am supposed to get time to rest, work, exercise, meal prepare & do all the everyday household duties!!!!  Add into the mix that I don't have a car, and I just feel like curling into a ball under my doona, crying my heart out & yelling "Fuck it"!!!

So, it's weigh in Wednesday & I was pleasantly surprised with a 700gm loss.  I have drank far too much wine this week, and not watched what I've been eating (did someone say jam sandwich comfort eating?), and with not being able to exercise, I was definitely a little shocked when I stood on the scales this morning.  I just have to make sure I back up that loss with a good week, and really try my best.  I set some goals earlier in the week, and I must be honest and admit I have failed at all of them.  BUT I am back to trying them again as of now!  I need to harden the hell up & JFDI!!!

Some good news on my friend Meg's Mum.  They are just waiting on the biopsy results but she may not have cancer - it may be Barrett's Disease.  Fingers crossed for a good outcome.  So, so happy for my gorgeous friend & her family!

Why We Ride!

A dear friend has just informed me that her Mum has cancer.  Her heart is breaking right now.  I remember the day so clearly that my Dad told me he had cancer.  It was numbing.

THIS is why we ride.  THIS is why we want to raise $250,000 as a team this year for Peter Mac.  THIS is why I will shave my head.  THIS is why I will conquer that 200kms in October 2013.

Thinking of you, your Mum & your family Megs xxxx

Red Flag Fail

I've still been feeling terrible with the Ross River Virus, and was only able to do 5 minutes of our regular Saturday morning training session before I had to call it quits.  It is driving me insane having no control over this!  I hate feeling so drained & tired all the time!

Saturday night was my first "Red flag" event of the silly season.  It was a catch up with a group of my best friends for our Annual Kris Kringle dinner, and one of my friend's hosted it at her place.  I was struck down badly with exhaustion on Saturday, so was in doubt I would make it to the dinner at all.  I spent all day Saturday in bed to rest, and I was able to make it although I wasn't feeling the best.

I was so glad I went - being with friends is definitely food for the soul.  However, after hardly eating anything all day, I let my guard down with the pre dinner nibbles - dips, bikkies and cheeses.  We then had takeaway Thai for dinner, and although Thai Green Curry is my favourite dish of ALL TIME, I made the wise choice of beef & vegetable stir fry with chilli, and didn't opt in for any rice or roti bread.  Dessert was a small slice of pavlova.  I also had a champers & a bottle of wine, and there went my calories for the day!!!

Now, of course we are all allowed to let our hair down now & then, but I have to be mindful that I am not capable of exercising, so my calorie intake has to be PERFECT.  I know this, but still, I struggle with it.

Sunday I actually felt a bit better after my day of bed rest, and we had a catchup BBQ at our place with the Ride to Conquer Cancer team - some members we did the ride with in October, and some new members who will be joining us next year.  Was a lovely relaxing afternoon, but of course I ate way too much, and drank another bottle of wine. Shit!

So, back into it again today.  I have woken so tired that I feel I need to get back to bed.  I just can't live like this - one day feeling well, the next day exhausted.  It is just the most frustrating feeling ever!!!  I just want to feel NORMAL again!!

I've set myself a few goals for this week:

1. When not working late shifts, to be in bed by 9.30-10pm at the absolute latest to give myself lots of rest.  I've been going to bed late some nights, and that is not helpful with the exhaustion I am feeling.
2. To drink 4 bottles of my 750ml water bottle (ie. 3 litres).  I've been slackening off with the water the last week, so I need to build this habit back up again.
3. To track my calorie intake religiously so I know how I am faring.  I've been working it out in my head the last 3 weeks!
4. To do some core exercises this week & gentle walks EVERY single day.  Even though I am not feeling the best, 10 minutes of core is better than none!
5. To be organised & plan for the busy week we have ahead.  We have ballet performances, Kinder concert & school concert on this week, so a very, very busy week ahead. 

So, the beginning of Week 4 & I plan on achieving the goals I've set for myself.   If only I could keep my eyes open long enough......

Here's some pictures of some delicious 12wbt dinners we've had this week that the whole family have enjoyed.

Kangaroo Pie with Mushy Peas

Nasi Goreng with Tofu

Would You Shave Your Head??

Hubby came home today from work & asked me the question "Would you shave your head for $5000?".  I quickly answered that I would not.  A friend of ours, who is also a member of "Team Fighting Back" for our Ride to Conquer Cancer next year has decided she will shave her head if she raises $5000 for the ride.  She's a gorgeous girl, and definitely would still look stunning with a bald head.

I've had a shit of a day today with feeling unwell & dizzy.  I had a bit of an upset tummy this morning, and felt a bit faint on a couple of occasions, so all day I've been feeling very sad & sorry for myself.  I've been tidying up after dinner & washing the dishes, which gave me some quiet time to think to myself (funny how everyone disappears when it's time to clear up after dinner!).  Why wouldn't I shave my head?  I don't think of myself as vain in any way, but I do like that I have long hair.  I always wear it up every day, but when I go out (on those rare occasions!) I make a special effort to make sure my hair looks nice.  And I've been growing it for ages, so it would be devastating to cut it all off.

But what about those that don't have a choice.  Those undergoing chemo who lose their hair.  Small children, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, lovers, who go through the agony of their hair falling out.  I remember so clearly Jim Stynes in his documentary about his cancer battle "Every Heart Beats True", and when his hair started to fall out he shaved his head.  His son shaved his as well to be just like Dad.  Beautiful & touching.

I really don't want to shave my head.  But what if I could raise $10,000 for Peter Mac?  Peter Mac where my Dad is currently receiving chemo.  Would I do it then?  You better believe it!  So, now I've put it in writing, I have to go through with it.  If I raise $10,000 for the Ride to Conquer Cancer, benefiting Peter Mac, I will shave my head.  God help me!

If you'd like to get the ball rolling, you can donate here:- Julie's Ride to Conquer Cancer 2013

Ross River Virus BE GONE!!!!

Well, I sit here absolutely shattered.  Weigh in this morning saw a gain of 1.4kgs.  I'm weighing in at 101.6kg and have moved further away from those double digits.  I expected it, I knew it was coming, so why am I sitting here close to tears and so upset about it?

I think it's the realisation that I have no control over this Ross River Virus, and I just have to accept whatever my body is doing.  And that's the problem - I HAVE NO CONTROL!  Previously if I'd gained, I'd have a reason for it, and although I'd be pissed off at myself, I knew I deserved it.  I didn't deserve a gain this week. I know deep down that last week wasn't a genuine loss of 4.2kgs because I was sick, but it still pisses me off that I was so close to getting under 100kgs, and now here I am 1.7kgs away.  Again!

But, I have to remember it's not all about the number on the scales.  I am feeling smaller & lighter & fitter.  I have to listen to my body, and let it rest when it needs to, so that I can recover from the RRV quickly.  I will get to those double digits eventually.  This week is just another week in the grand scheme of the rest of my life.  Ho hum.  I will get there!

I'll Have a Side of Energy thanks!

Hubby's new workout singlet!!

Ah, how I look back on old posts and cringe at what I have written.  In my last post I said I would smash it with exercise these next 2 days, but all I've done is bloody sleep!
I have confirmation yesterday from the doctor that my blood tests show I have Ross River Virus for certain.  I am relieved that it is only RRV and not something more sinister, so now I can just work through getting better & resting my body up.  Yesterday I had absolutely no energy.  I went for a 2 hour walk with Aidan in the pram, and when I got home I was absolutely wiped out.  I had to have an afternoon nap, and then I was in bed by 7.30pm for an 11 hour sleep.  Today I feel just as tired, and I am OVER it!
And of course, the scales keep moving up.  I am not sure what is going on, but obviously my body is reacting to the illness, or maybe the lack of exercise. Apart from the couple of weekend indiscretions with the wine & snacks, there is nothing I've done to warrant a 2kg gain.  I'll just have to ride it out & hope for those double digits sometime before Christmas.  Fingers crossed!
So here we go, Week 3 and onwards & downwards....

Double Digits, Wherefore Art Thou?

Stocking fillers!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  It's in the air - the excitement is brewing & the kids are bouncing off the walls!  The tree was put up, and the chocolate Advent calanders have been started.  I absolutely love Christmas, and nothing is better than sharing the joy with the kids.  It is unfortunate that I happened to marry the Grinch, who hates Christmas & all that goes with it!!  Bah Humbug to him!!!!

Nine of us trained on Saturday morning

I've been slowly improving with the Ross River Virus & feeling better each day.  I'm still tired ALL THE TIME though, so exercise was non existent for a good week.  Saturday I joined in with our regular garage session where we did a tabata circuit & boxing.  It was great to be back into it!  We had a few new people join us, the more the merrier for sure.  Sunday we went for a big walk.

My nutrition has been pretty good, although I did let myself down with a few wines over the weekend, and of course, the usual snacking that comes with drinking! ARGH!  Why, oh why!?!?!  The big problem I have since last Wednesday's weigh in, is that the scales seem to be going up!  Why are they moving in the wrong direction?!?!  Why does that double digit figure elude me!?!?!

I've got 2 days until weigh in & I need to smash it.  I'm going to up the exercise anti as much as I can & see if I could possibly perform some small miracle to make it to double digits.  Fingers crossed!