No Looking Back.....

Feeling so much better, although not yet 100%, and was able to make it to work over the weekend.  Was also able to make it to a work dinner at The Melba Restaurant at The Langham Hotel on Southbank in Melbourne.  Wow, what a dinner it was!  A beautiful a la carte smorgasbord, complete with sushi made to order, Indian naan bread cooked fresh to order, seafood galore, Peking duck pancakes made to order, full carvery, and a mini dessert selection, complete with chocolate fountain, to die for!!!!  I didn't give WW a thought, and here's a picture of my dessert plate, as I wanted a taste of everything.  I didn't eat it all of course, but must admit, the Creme Brûlée was AMAZING!!!

That night I went to bed and was unable to sleep due to my aching belly.  Piggery at it's greatest, and definitely not something I will want to repeat in a hurry.  I wasn't surprised when I weighed over 2kgs heavier in the morning after plates & plates of food!!!

Footy training started for my eldest son on Monday night, and I found it extremely hard to get out of the car once we were there.  The group of Mums I hang out with during footy season were so encouraging of me last year & the year before & the comments they gave me about how good I looked are something I remember vividly.  TO say I was embarrassed for them to see me 20+kgs heavier is an understatement.  As I got back in the car after training, I closed my eyes for a minute and made a mental note to remember that feeling.  Whenever I start to get off track again, I need to draw on the feeling for inspiration.  It was a terrible & gut wrenching feeling of shame & embarrassment, and I want to remember it ALWAYS.

I managed to get to my WW meeting yesterday, and was a little shocked my gain was so high.  3.6kgs!!! WTF!?!?!  Okay, I know I would have had a gain after that dinner on Sunday night, and of course I haven't tracked my food for 3 weeks, but 3.6kgs?!?!  WOW.  I was astounded.  And disappointed.  And ashamed.  Again!

This time in March last year, I weighed 22.1kgs less.  God, I felt fantastic.  I'm devastated!

Anyway, as I expressed my dismay when stepping off the scales yesterday, the WW assistant who was weighing me said something that made an impact.  "Don't look back.  It's in the past.  Look forward".   I got home & jumped on the xtrainer.  I made sure I walked to Kinder for the pick up of my 4yo.  And then I walked to school to pick up my kids, which was no easy feat - 45min round trip, pushing a double pram loaded with scooters & helmets for the older kids on the way there, and then loaded with school bags on the way home.  Today I am feeling it all over - even in my tummy muscles!  And I love the feeling!!!!

So, I have to remember, I may have many bumps in the road, and will just think of this last year as a BIG bump - getting off track with hubby being depressed about his working life, then trying to eat & drink my way through dealing with my Dad's cancer.  And then the last couple of weeks I've had a bump with sickness.  But, I can do this.  And I am going to do this.  I will take it one day at a time, and string my good days together to form good weeks with good losses.  And then will string my weeks together to form good months, and I will watch the kilos fall away.  I am not looking back....

Onwards & downwards.....