Excuse Me, Can I Have an Extension Strap Please

Well today I suffered the ultimate humiliation of the fat person.  Although we've just flown with Jetstar in the previous days, and I've been able to do up my seat belt, Air Asia airplane seats and seat belts accommodate an Asian sized person - that is, not an overweight person. My horror at the seat belt not doing up was turned to humiliation when I had to ask for a seat belt extension.

I remember celebrating last year (and taking a photo) of the huge overlap of belt I had when I travelled on a plane. My travel was comfortable. Unlike today when I felt squished into my seat.

It's the little things like this that make me realise how far I've slipped, and how much I want to get back to that fit and healthy person I previously was.

I am forever grateful for the 

love from my husband and kids, regardless of the size of me, but it's time to put a stop to this!

The Beginning. Again.

It's been a year since I was given the news that my job at work was being made redundant. A year since I fell into the giant hole of wine and food to absorb my grief at losing my job..... A hole so big I couldn't pull myself out of it.

So where did it all go wrong? What happened? 

I was so depressed over losing my job, so I drank to combat that. And with the drinking every day of course comes the snacking.  

And I was injured - heel spurs affecting my ability to do any activity on my feet, and then in January I strained my shoulder and I've been suffering from bursitis ever since. 

Then with my husband losing his job, it was up to me to be the main bread winner, so I upped my hours at work - from part time at 20 hours a week I went to full time at 38 hours a week, and then I added overtime to that, working most weeks 55-60 hours a week. Whenever I was home I was just sleeping or drinking. My meals were good - healthy and low calorie, but the lack of exercise and sleep and excess wine drinking were piling the kilos on.

But the above is just all excuses. There's no excuse. I was just in a dark hole, and looking back I should have spoken to someone professional about how to dig myself out of it before the walls caved in. That's something I must remember - never take on the battle by myself - TALK to someone!!!

So I sit here on a balcony today on the Gold Coast having watched a few of the events in the Gold Coast Airport Marathon Weekend. People and their kids running by in the different runs on today and I miss attending these types of events with my kids.  And I want to get back to doing them and being a good role model.

We have another two nights on the Gold Coast, with tomorrow being the main reason we are here - the marathon! Greg will be running his very first marathon!  And the thing I am dreading most about seeing him cross that finish line is meeting up with people I haven't seen since I started piling on the weight again! I am ashamed and disgusted in myself. It's a feeling i never want to have again. Tomorrow is such a huge day for Greg and all I can selfishly think about is my dread at meeting up with people I haven't seen for over a year!

Monday we fly home before heading to Malaysia and Thailand for two weeks.  I have been dreading going overseas having packed on so much weight but at least I don't have to worry about anyone knowing me there!!

And then I'm coming home to start my journey.  Again. I'm sick of starting over. Again. And I will be signing up to the next 12wbt round in August. Again. And I'll shed this weight. Again.

But I'll keep going this time.  And I won't stop. I owe it to my body, to my kids and my husband. I owe it to me. I've got this.