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| Greg and I at the starting line |
I sit here, coffee in hand, with every muscle in my body aching. My eyes swollen from exhaustion, and all I can think is, thank God it's over!!! WOW What a weekend!
I didn't complete the Ride to Conqeur Cancer, but I gave it all I could. I did 140-150kms, and it took every bit of energy, every bit of mental strength I had. I am disappointed I can't say I completed it, but I am also proud of myself for how I gave it my all. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life!
Saturday morning 1800 riders gathered at Albert Park Lake. It was chilly & the rain started to drizzle on us. I had to keep stamping my feet to get blood flowing through them, as I was chilled to the bone. We were all so excited to be starting off on this ride we had been preparing for. We gathered as a team - Me, Greg, Jen, Bec, Nicola, Nicki, and 2 others who weren't in our team, but were friends of Bec's, Corrina, and Tracey. Having only just met Nicola, Nicki, Corrina & Tracey that morning (all friends of Bec's), let me just say I was honoured to meet four such lovely & gorgeous women!!
We started off, ever so slowly with the traffic, and the traffic lights making for slow going through the Melbourne CBD. My borrowed bike "Mince" with the spokey dokeys on it were well received by the other riders, and I received comments about them all weekend. Many remarked it took them back to their childhood, but everyone smiled or laughed about them, and I was so glad I was able to give that to riders throughout the weekend. Then on we went to the bike path along the Yarra River, and we were able to pick up a bit more speed. Here I saw the first accident with the slippery conditions the drizzle was causing on the path. The faster riders took off, and I caught up with the others in my team at the first Pit Stop at 27kms in Ivanhoe.
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| Team "Fighting Back" ready to ride |
Off we went again for the next 25kms. A few small hills, and I met up with the bunch at the next Pit Stop at 48kms. Half way!!! Holy shit, this was easy!! I'd made it half way & it was only 11am!!!
Oh how wrong I was. Now, I was aware that apparently there was a monster hill after this Pit Stop, but nothing had prepared me for what was to come. The whole second half of the ride was hill after hill after hill. It was a killer. And I was shocked to see that even fit young male cyclists were walking up the hills as well. That afternoon, I renamed it "The WALK to Conquer Cancer". I would walk up a hill, get on the bike to ride down the other side, push myself as much as I could up the next hill, get off & walk it, and so on. Hill after hill after hill. It was crushing, but reassuring to see so many other riders doing the same thing. I was exhausted.
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| Jen & I all smiles, about to head off |
At 75kms I was spent. It was lunch break & I had the mental struggle with how I could go on. It was also the furtherest I had ever ridden (since my younger, fitter days of bike riding). The mental struggle I had was the fact that I knew I could ride 100kms, but I knew I couldn't do it with all the hills. Give me a flat road & I would have killed it, but these hills were brutal. It was also deflating that at the lunch stop, there were hardly any riders. I knew I was at the back of the pack, and for some reason it just deflated me. I shouldn't have been comparing myself to everyone else, but it just took the wind out of my sails to know that the majority of the riders had probably already finished, my team mates included. And here I was with 25kms of hills still to go.
I ate my lunch as quickly as I dared. My thighs had started to cramp and I stretched as much as I could to relieve the pain. I got back on the bike & struggled on. There were "sweep" vehicles who regularly went by to see if you needed assistance & a lift to the next stop, but I just gave them the thumbs up (the signal to tell them I was fine) and pushed on. It wasn't much later when my vision started to blur & I actually thought I saw a car reversing towards me (it was actually stationary!!!) that I thought I might be pushing it too far. I reluctantly got off the bike & caught the next Sweep vehicle to camp. I had completed 80-85kms. Bitterly disappointed I didn't do the 100kms, but I had pushed myself to my limit.
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| Day 1 - Check out the gradients of those hills!!! |
Dropped at camp in beautiful Healesville, and I met up with Greg & the rest of the team, who had been there for hours already. I was pissed off at myself, pissed off at them, pissed off at the world. It had been a lonely day riding on my own, and I would be lying if I said I was disappointed I didn't have anyone to ride along with. It would have made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable. I watched as other teams waited at the top of hills for their team mates, or at pit stops, and I was envious I didn't have that support. I think I could have completed the 100kms if I had some support around me. I was pissed off at myself for being pissed off at them, because we had all agreed beforehand that we would ride at our own pace, but I think I could have pushed harder if I had someone with me. I was so furious with myself for letting these feelings take over what should have been a relaxing night.
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| See my tent? It's the blue one! |
The Ride to Conquer Cancer was so well organised. The tent city that had been set up for us to sleep in, was all set up by volunteers. The volunteers in their wigs & crazy hats along the roadside cheering us on & giving directions were amazing & uplifting. The drivers of the Sweep vehicles were so happy & accommodating, and I cannot put into words the thanks we all have for these volunteers! The catering was brilliant. We were given as many snacks as we could handle at the pitstops, and the lunch pack of a wrap, vegetable salad, drink, friand, and fruit was delicious & enormous. Dinner was amazing, and the coffees & beers at the camp were fantastic & well appreciated. The bike mechanics were awesome, and fixed Greg's buckled wheel, and jammed gears, as well as my gears that were playing up!!! The whole atmosphere at camp was just so brilliant, and I enjoyed every moment of it.
Although in bed early, it was hard to sleep with the tents being so close to each other. We were able to hear every whisper, snore or fart throughout the evening & night. Add to that sleeping on hard ground on a thin mat in a sleeping bag with aching bodies, and it was a tough night. Then some fool and their alarm blaring at 5am brought the camp to life. A brekkie of bacon, eggs, hash browns, baked beans, toast & coffee, and off we went for Day 2.
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| All the bikes tucked up for the night. |
I felt confident for second day. The balls of my feet were very sore & tender from all the unexpected walking I did the day before, but I taped them up, so they could handle more walking up hills. I wore 2 pairs of bike knicks for the extra padding on my tender bum, and off I went before the rest of the team, knowing they would pass me shortly anyway. I felt good. My legs were raring to go. Today I was going to go the whole way, regardless of how long it took me.
Then I hit the first hill about 5kms from camp. The pain that shot through my bad ankle nearly took my breath away. I just didn't understand it. My ankle had given me NO pain the day before, and here I was just starting off today & I couldn't push down on the pedal at all. Greg had caught up to me at this time & rode with me a while. I stopped by a medic vehicle to see if they could strap my ankle for extra support, and was surprised when they told me they "don't do strapping". WTF?!?! I pushed on, but not much further I had to stop. And then it started. The tears. The uncontrollable sobbing. I was going to do this 100kms today, and here I was 5-10kms into it and unable to go on because of that damn ankle! It broke me. And I must say, I could not believe the compassion of the riders that passed me by, sobbing on the road. Nearly each & every one of them asked if I was okay. It was so uplifting to me to see how generous the human spirit can be. Dozens of gorgeous people who will never know how much there comments of "Are you okay?" meant to me. I was picked up by a Sweep vehicle and taken to the first Pit Stop, where I visited the Medic tent, to be told again that they "don't do strapping". How is it, on a bike ride where riders get sore knees, ankles, etc that the medics are not able to strap up knees and ankles? It's beyond me. I had met up with my team again, and Greg tried to convince me to get in a sweep vehicle again & be taken to the next stop, but I wanted to push on & see how I went. I took some anti inflammatory tablets, and set off again on the bike.
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| One of the smaller hills |
The ankle felt good, and I pushed on. A few more hills, and it gave out on me. I was done. I was defeated. And on again came the tears. Every part of me felt so good, except that bloody ankle. Once again I was picked up in a Sweep vehicle, but they took me BACK to the last pit stop, instead of forward to the next one, something I found out later they should not have done. I wanted to go forward, to be ahead of my team mates, so I could hopefully get back on the bike & get a little further ahead so we could meet up later on & ride the finish line together. But this mistake of the Sweep vehicle absolutely devastated me. I had to wait over an hour & a half at the wrong pit stop, after all the riders had left and the volunteers packed up. I could not stop the tears, and the poor Crew leader could not console me, although she tried her hardest. She organised a sweep vehicle to directly pick me up & take me to the next Pit Stop at Warranwood - the half way mark.
It was on that journey between pit stops that I decided to give the last 50kms of the ride all I had left. I didn't care if I couldn't walk on my ankle for the next week or so, I was going to do it. The worst of the hills were behind me, they had beaten me, but I would not let the rest of the ride get the better of me. Even if I was the last rider through, I would do it. So, at the next rest stop, I had a toilet break, and got straight back on that bike. I was going to finish this!!!
There were many times on this 25kms stretch that I had to walk my bike up a hill. There were also many times that tears got the better of me. I was so angry by the mistake of the sweep vehicle taking me backwards, and costing me a couple of hours, when I could have been ahead of my team mates so they would have caught up to me and we could cross the finish line together. I was also elated when I saw people cheering on the street, and it again brought me to tears that people thought we were doing a fantastic thing, which we really were. There were also tears of frustration that my body had given up on me earlier in the day. Why had my ankle let me down? I know I was putting it through enormous pressure, especially with the walking up steep hills, but I just thought it would have held up better. So many emotions running through me, which I definitely wasn't expecting.
I arrived at the Lunch Stop at 75kms, and was overjoyed I had at least completed one full leg of the day's ride. I knew that if I couldn't complete the rest of the day, at least I could be proud of the fact I did one whole section. I gave myself only 15mins to have a quick bite to eat, and a toilet break. One of my team members had just left lunch as I was getting there, so I wanted to be as quick as possible, so back on the bike for me!
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| Day 2 |
It was whilst leaving this lunch spot, and straight into a hill, that a lady on the footpath yelled out to us "Thank You all for doing this. My husband is battling cancer & having chemo at Peter Mac. Thank You". I commented to the woman riding beside me that it made this all worthwhile. It puts it all into perspective. Here I was battling with my emotions, struggling with the shooting pain through my ankle, and her one little comment made it all worthwhile. I was doing this ride for my Dad, for one of my dear friend's husband, Tom, who is going through his own cancer battle, and for everyone else that is battling, or who had lost the battle. For all those families & friends who had been touched by cancer, for those who would be touched by cancer in the future. And for all those people who believed in me and supported me, all those who made donations to help me raise nearly $4000 for this ride. For all those who contributed to making this the biggest fundraiser in Australia's history - raising a staggering $6.2 million for Peter Mac.
Greg and I had been texting each other throughout the 2 days, just so I could see how far ahead he was of me, but mostly so I knew he was safe, and vice versa. There were many accidents on the ride, with cyclists being hit by cars or other riders, and one serious accident of a rider going too fast downhill, hitting a pothole, and landing on his head. Some of the roads on the route were especially dangerous, with no bike lanes, and no shoulder on the road to ride on. We were literally riding on the narrow roads, sharing the narrow lane with cars and some motorists just had no patience, and it was extremely dangerous at times. As a driver, I know how frustrating cyclists can be when riding 3 or 4 abreast on the road, but these drivers had to realise that many of us were just average Joes out to make a difference for cancer. We are not cyclists who intentionally wanted to piss off motorists. We were mothers, grandmothers, Dads, uncles, friends, cousins, brothers, sisters, who were just trying to do some good & raise some money. It made me so angry that many motorists (most especially ignorant P Platers) would intentionally drive so close to cyclists, beep their horns, rev their engines or even hang out the windows yelling abuse at us.
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| Riding in to the very last pit stop |
So not long after leaving the lunch break I received a text from Greg stating he was at the last Pit stop of the day. He only had 12kms to go, and he asked if I wanted him to wait for me. I really wanted to ride the last section with him so we could ride over the finish together, but I felt guilty that he would have to wait for so long for me. I knew there were many hills ahead of me, and I would have to walk some, so this was the one section of the ride where I pushed myself to the limits. I cried my heart out because I was exhausted and feeling guilty at Greg having to wait, but I gave it my all. I rode up hills that I would have previously walked up, but I pushed on & on & on. And then I was at the last pitstop & there was Greg waiting for me. It was nearly over.
I quickly sculled a bottle of orange juice, had a toilet break & off we headed together for the last 12kms of the ride. This was the easy section along the bike path of the Yarra River, and into the Melbourne CBD to the finish at Albert Park Lake. Why was it then, that every single part of my body screamed that it couldn't go on? My fingers & wrists started cramping, my toes were numb, my "seat" was burning and chaffing. My ankle screamed at me to stop. I equated this to the feeling you get when you get home from a long drive and all of a sudden you have that unbearable urge to go to the toilet. I knew that we were so close, and my body was telling me enough. Once again the tears came, and as I struggled to ride along behind Greg, I battled with my mind to overcome this. Where was my second wind? The extra energy that you usually get when you get to the finish? Fortunately I found it with about 1km to go, and over the finish line we went. What an amazing achievement!
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| Finished!!!! |
Three members of my team finished the whole 200kms, and the other three of us did the most we could. What a brilliant achievement by each & every one of us. Our team raised $27,000 for Peter Mac!!! We were welcomed at the finish by most of our team, and refreshed with a cold beer, a hamburger & a well needed massage! An icepack for my swollen ankle & the joy on the faces of all the riders and supporters was hard to ignore. We had done it! What a weekend!!!!
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| Team Fighting Back with Tracey & Corrina - We did it!!! |
I am so proud of everyone - Greg, who would never have dreamed of riding 200kms up & down hills 6 months ago, and who has lost over 30kgs to make this dream a reality. Jen, who made sure she never walked up ANY of those hills. Nicola, who is undergoing her own battle against cancer, and rode the 100kms like a machine on the first day. She became ill and had to leave camp, but she is so inspiring & amazing!!! Nicki, who under advice from her physio, was unable to do the whole ride, but did the best she could. And Bec, our team captain, who convinced the rest of us to sign up for the ride. Bec is the loveliest, most kind hearted soul you'll ever meet, and it was an honour & joy to be a part of this ride with her.
We conquered the Ride to Conquer Cancer. And yes, I've signed up for next year!!! AS A VOLUNTEER!!!
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We took our final "after" photos in our underwear today. I was disappointed to not really see a difference this round, but my photo today is a huge change to my starting photo in June. I'm not yet brave enough to post those photos on this blog or share them on the 12wbt site with others. I look forward to the day when I can see myself in undies & bra & not be ashamed of what I see. On that day, I will post ALL my before & after photos, as I will be proud of how far I've come. I admire those that are able to post all their photos on the 12wbt forums - good on them!!! I'll get there one day, as I plan on NEVER returning to that woman I was back in June this year.
This Friday sees us flying out again to attend the 12wbt finale, which is this time in Sydney. Friday we are doing the Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb. It's something I've looked at in the past & thought I would never be able to do because of my ankle. But with my improved fitness, I'm going to conquer it. I'm extremely nervous about the fact we will be so high up, and apparently it's a bit nerve wracking being able to see the cars driving underneath you, but I will conquer my fears & I cannot wait to get to the top. I'm actually really looking forward to it.
