The Emotional Roller Coaster of Weightloss!

The thing I think I love most about the 12wbt program, is the mindset lessons you learn.  With weightloss, it is all about the mind!  We are overweight because of something to do with our mind - we eat for comfort, out of boredom, out of habit, because we are stressed, because we are sad, because we are happy... and the list goes on.  I think the last 7 weeks for me on the 12wbt have been monumental emotionally.  I have been a mixed bag of emotions, one minute happy as Larry, the next a howling banshee ready to kill!  I can see my husband reading this nodding his head!  I have come to realise all the reasons & excuses I gave myself to eat (and drink!!!), and I know this is not the true me, and I think I have come out the other side much stronger and wiser, and will only continue to grow in my emotions.

Greg & I  last weekend - we're shrinking!

My girlfriend who is also doing the 12wbt made a comment to me yesterday about how she had lost about 9kgs & was feeling good about herself, but now she has hit that point where she can't see the good work she's done, and all she sees when she looks in the mirror is her old fat self.  This is EXACTLY how I felt on the weekend, whilst getting ready for my friend's 40th party.  I had piles of clothes I'd tried on thrown over the floor, and was close to tears because nothing looked good.  I just couldn't see how far I'd come, and all I could see was a fat Julie staring back at me in the mirror, with nothing that fit nicely.  I ended up choosing a top I had worn to a wedding months ago, which is now too big.  I think those emotions were what led me to consume numerous vodkas that night!
This morning was weigh in day, and Greg lost 2.8kgs.  WTF?!?!  I had a loss of 100gms.  One hundred grams!!!!!!!!  That's it!  Yep, I wanted to punch him in his smug face, but it's NOT HIS FAULT!!!  Where did I go wrong?  Was it the vodkas consumed on Saturday night?  No, I don't think so.  It may have been the mindless munching on Friday night.  Even though it was healthy food, with a few lollies thrown in, it was too much.  It's disappointing though.  It doesn't warrant such a poor loss, but I will just have to step up the exercise to another level, I think.  I need to pull up my socks, suck it up & get on with it.
Onwards & downwards.... and here's to SMASHING it next week, and keeping those negative emotions in check!!!

Week 8 & I've Chosen My Hard.....

Attack of the Jersey Caramel!

I was a little disappointed with myself at the 2 red flag events I've had over the last 2 nights.
For Friday night's Trivia Night, I was well prepared.  I did decide to have one glass of white wine however, and I also had a platter of food that included celery sticks, carrot sticks, mountain bread chips (I cooked up triangles of mountain bread in the oven earlier), low fat hommus & tzatziki dip, and fat free salsa dip.  However, from the time we arrived to the time we left, I ate!  Just mindless nibbling for no reason, except for something to do.  I knew I was doing it, but I just couldn't stop.  So for three hours I sat nibbling!  Others on the table had brought sandwiches, chicken wings, and a big bowl of lollies.  And that's where I went downhill!  JERSEY CARAMELS & LICORICE ALLSORTS!  My favourites.  I did have a few of them, and then felt sick from the big sugar hit.  Why, oh why?

Our new boxing gear!

Saturday morning we had our PT at 6.30am, and then afterwards hubby and I boxed for a bit with the new boxing gear we bought last week.  I lurvvvveee boxing.  Just wish I had time to do it every day.  And the session was a great one - Greg pushed me way out of my comfort zone.

Geez, will be doing more squats if I can have an arse like this!!!

Saturday night was my girlfriend's 40th, and I was proud of the fact that I stayed clear of all the yummy finger food - mini sliders, satay chicken skewers, sushi, crumbed prawns, etc.  However, I did get stuck into the vodka & sodas.  The low fat drink of choice - would have of course preferred wine, but thought I would do the right thing by my calories.  And you know, I didn't even enjoy it!  I notice my mouth runs at a hundred miles a minute and stupid remarks come out when I drink.  Wish I had of stuck to just plain ol' soda water!

One of my besties Chris, looking Fab & forty!!!  Love you Chris x

Anyway, I had a little bit of a headache this morning when I woke.  I could imagine the sickness I would have had if I had of been drinking wine!  And proud of myself this afternoon as I got on the bike & had an awesome 40km ride.  My knees are a little sore after it, but I had such an enjoyable ride & am so glad to be back in the saddle!
Can't believe it is the start of week 8 on the 12wbt tomorrow.  Bring it on!!!

The bike ride I went on today.  Proud of myself!!

Falafels we had for dinner tonight - YUM!

Red Flag Days

I have been drinking numerous cups of herbal tea in this cold weather, but I really want to make a concentrated effort on drinking more water.  I probably drink about a litre of cold water a day, and add to that all my herbal teas, I would drink in excess of 2+ litres a day.  In Summer it is just so much easier to drink cold water!  I haven't had a soft drink in over 6 weeks now, and I don't miss it one little bit!

We have a couple of "red flag" (as Michelle Bridges calls them) occasions this weekend.  Tonight we have a Trivia Night & tomorrow one of my best friend's 40th Birthday parties.  Tonight will be fine as it is BYO food, so I will be bringing a plate of low fat dips and salsa with celery, carrot & capsicum sticks.  Also might throw in a few rice crackers.  If we stick that plate of nibbles in front of us, we should be set for the night.
Tomorrow night, there will be finger food, and I'll be steering clear of it.  Was thinking I might have a couple of vodka & sodas or a glass of red wine to celebrate my friend's birthday, but that's all.  Not feeling worried about either night, and I really feel in control of where I am right now in this journey.  From reading the 12wbt forums, I know a lot of people have "fallen off the wagon" or binged & struggled, but I must say I am obviously "in the zone" at the moment, because I am just not interested in crap food and I am liking this feeling!

Hubby has been receiving comments left, right & centre about how great he is looking & how much weight he has lost.  Although  I am immensely proud of him & the 15+ kgs he has lost so far,  I must admit I felt a little down trodden that no one had noticed my weight loss.  Then on Monday my 5 year old's kinder teacher commented that I was "disappearing"!  The next night a work colleague mentioned I was "shrinking" and then another work mate the following night asked if I had lost "a lot of weight".    It's nice to know I am not just imagining the changes in myself, and that it is actually FINALLY noticeable!!!  Just those three little comments have lifted my spirits immensely this week!

Onwards & downwards......

Happy Dance Wednesday!!!

2kgs loss for me this week.  Whoop whoop!  Just bloody well over the moon about it!!!!  11.6kgs gone in 44 days, can you believe it!??!
Still full up of this cold, but slowly improving.  The coughing has started now... Joy!!!

Loving this Michelle Bridge's program!!!

Onwards & downwards!

100 Things That Are Great About My Life & Me

I have just read a blog of a fellow 12wbt, and she was given the challenge of writing 100 things down that were great about herself & her life, so I thought I would give it a go.  You can find her blog here - Sandra's Time - My 12wbt.  I think this is going to be difficult, but here we go...

100 Things I Love About My Life (and just LIFE in general really!):

1. supportive husband Greg
2. 4 beautiful & supportive kids, Callum, Paige, Owen & Aidan
3. wonderful parents
4. extended family
5. home
6. wonderful best friends
7. health
8. improving fitness
9. history & all the bumps in the road along the way
10. great work mates
11. bike riding
12. The Ride to Conquer Cancer in October
13. the country we live in 
14. the countries I have travelled to
15. our caravan
16. the holidays we have planned in the future
17. Peter MacCallum Institute & all it is doing for my Dad
18. TV & all the crap shows I love to unwind to!
19. Ugg boots
20. Chocolate
21. Rocky Road
22. Cups of tea
23. Skinny Latte
24. Hommus
25. 12wbt & Michelle Bridges
26. sunshine
27. warm weather
28. exercising
29. the xtrainer
30. my comfy King Size bed & lots of sleep!
31. swimming
32. the beach with the kids
33. the Christmas "silly" season
34. singing Christmas carols
35. Christmas morning & the kids with their pressies!
36. music
37. Apple Inc (and the wonderful invention of iPhones, iPads, iMac, etc)
38. Thai Green Curry
39. Ice Cold Pinot Grigio
40. Ice cold beer on a hot day
41. the smell of freshly mowed grass
42. Daylight Savings!
43. Birthdays
44. parties, weddings, get togethers
45. BBQ dinners
46. books
47. Kisses from Greg
48. cuddles from my kids
49. Scrabble/Upwords
50. Movies
51. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (books & movies)
52. The Hobbit
53. Harry Potter (books & movies)
54. Gold Class movie cinemas
55. The Sun Theatre in Yarraville
56. 10 pin bowling
57. The Drive Ins in Coburg (snuggled up with the kids on bean bags)
58. hot bubble baths
59. A clean & tidy house!
60. Silence....
61. 
    

Okay, so I've only reached 60 so far, but I will have a big think about it, and add to the list!!

Sick AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm bloody well sick again!  I just can't believe it.  The only thing I can put it down to is the air-conditioning at work.  It is always cranked up too high, and we are always freezing at work.  After an 8 1/2 hour shift on Saturday, I could feel a sore throat coming on, and then after a 4 hour shift yesterday, I had a runny nose.  Today I've woken with the headache to go with it.  Joy!
Unfortunately the school holidays have finished, so gone are the lazy mornings of laying in bed til 9am, lazing in our PJs to lunch, and not having to rush around.  The house is so eerily quiet, although there is still one child here, who follows me around like a shadow when the others aren't home!
I don't have any motivation to do anything with the way I am feeling, but I will suck it up & JDI (Just friggin do it!).  Not sure what yet, but I will do it!
Onwards & downwards, sore throat & all......

Sunday Motivation.....

Nachos..... Yum!

One of my favourite dinners yet on the 12wbt....... Healthy nachos!!!  Delicious!

Day 39... 10.5kgs of Ugly Fat Gone!!

Last weekday of the school holidays, and was out & about with the 3 boys today whilst my daughter was at ballet, when alarm bells rang.  I had forgotten to pack my lunch!!!  My daughter has had ballet smack bang in the middle of the day Monday to Friday this week, and the last 4 days I have been super organised & had my Thermos of soup or Shepherd's Pie packed, with fruit & water.  But today in all the chaos of getting us organised & out the door on time, I forgot to pack lunch!!! ARGGHHH!!!
Luckily, my favourite cafe always has soup on the menu & today they had a chicken broth with veggies & dill - absolutely PERFECT!!!!  The accompanying dinner roll with butter I gave to the boys. And I enjoyed a nice skinny latte as well.

Chicken broth with veg & dill - YUM!

Still no sign of TTOM, although I have all the tummy pains & symptoms, just wish it would hurry up!!!  Weigh in this morning has me at 115.3kgs - that's a TOTAL loss of 10.5kgs in 39 days.  I am just over the moon about it!!

10.5kgs gone - yeah baby!!!

We also have just purchased our tickets to the 12wbt Finale party in Perth!  Can't believe we are actually doing this!!!  Now all we need is a babysitter... eeek!!!

Onwards & downwards......

It's Hump Week!!!

37 days in and I have lost a total of 9.6kgs!!!  How bloody amazing is that?!?!  A 900gms loss this week, which I must admit I am disappointed in - I didn't lose that kilo that I gained overnight.  I weighed in at 116.2kgs, with a bloated tummy, just waiting for TTOM to arrive!  BUT, I have to look on the bright side, I will have a rocking weight loss next week!!!

It's still school holidays, and I must admit, I do still have the motivation & the WANT to exercise, but it is so difficult with 4 kids home 24/7.  I love having my babies home (even with all the fighting and yelling that goes on), but I am looking forward to getting back into a routine next week & I'm going to pump up the exercise an extra notch.  We're nearly halfway through this program, and I can still lose 10.4kgs to get to the goal I had set in this round, which was 20kgs!  I CAN do it!  I WILL do it!!!

Have also added my 12wbt ticker to the top of my page. The top one is my overall weightloss, the bottom one is my 12wbt weightloss since 4th June.

Onwards & downwards......

Live Like Someone Left the Gate Open!

Saw this on FB and had to share!!!!  Beautiful!

Well, today I weighing in a kilo heavier than Saturday's weight.  Panic immediately set in!  What have I done wrong?  Could the wine really have caused that huge a gain when I have been super good with everything else I have done for 5 weeks?  However, that old uncomfortable bloated niggling  in my tummy reminded me... TTOM is due any minute.  Phew.....

Wise Words......

A Mini Mindset Breakthrough

We decided to enjoy a few wines last night.  So much for my Dry July!!!  It's not something that we will regularly do, but it was treat night, and we still had spare calories, so we thought we'd share a few wines.   After working 8 1/2 hours yesterday, I relaxed in the bath once the kids were in bed & just really felt like a wine!

I must say, the first mouthful tasted like absolute shite!  How did I become unaccustomed to drinking wine so quickly?!?!?!  Anyway, by the middle of the second glass of wine, a feeling of utter starvation came over me.  I was like a wild beast!!!  I scoured the cupboards and retreated back to the couch with a few VitaWheat crackers.  Yep, that gave me the crunch that potato chips usually would, with minimal calories.  BUT I wasn't satisfied.  I settled for a Skinny Cow toffee ice-cream.  Only just over 100 calories & my usual treat on a Saturday night.  BUT I still wasn't satisfied!!

Now earlier in the day, my parents had called in armed with a box of chocolates & a box of rocky road.  I nearly died when I got home from work & saw them sitting on the kitchen bench!  I immediately opened the chocolates & let the kids loose on them.  The rocky road I put in the cupboard for another day.

Well, I sat on the couch with my wine, having eaten the crackers & ice cream, and I think I must have wrestled in my mind for about an hour the fact that I wanted to eat that rocky road.  I even picked up the box to look at the calories - 7 serves in the box at 500 calories per serve!!!!!  WTF!!!!  But in my head, I was justifying that I could still eat a serve.  Or perhaps I should eat the whole box & make myself so sick that I would never be tempted again!!!!  I think if hubby hadn't been there with me, and been my voice of reason I would have eaten it.  Instead I had a Freddo Frog.

A while later, I drank a bottle of water, and went to bed.  It wasn't until then that I realised I wasn't hungry at all.  There is something that wine does to me, that makes me think I am famished & need to eat.  It is always like this!  It always has been like this!  And it is the reason I gained 20kgs over the last year.

I remember reading an article that Jillian Michaels (from the American Biggest Loser) wrote in one of her newsletters last year.  It was about something in alcohol that triggers this need in females to have to eat.  Have googled to try & find the article to post on here, but can't locate it.  I did find this interesting video though......

Alcohol is the devil for belly fat from jillian michaels

Anyway, just felt like I had a breakthrough last night & wanted to share.  Just another reason I am glad to be off the wine & it reinforces what a great job I am doing with the 12wbt.   As for the rocky road, we are visiting family today & I will be taking it with us, and leaving it there!!!!

Some of the meals I've had this week.....

Buttermilk pancakes with fresh fruit salad & yoghurt.

Home made fruit salad & yoghurt.  YUM!

Still loving all the recipes we are supplied with on the 12wbt.  Delicious choices we are given. This week's menu is definitely Asian themed - YUM!!!  Can't wait to try out some of the new recipes!

The sad & sorry salad I had at Maccas the other day.  Only 40 or so calories, but a poor excuse for a salad!

Whilst having lunch with the kids at McDonalds on Friday, and munching on the above sorrowful salad, my daughter asked me (whilst scoffing down a cheese burger!!!) if I missed eating McDonalds.  "Nope, not at all" I replied.  And it was true!  I don't miss eating that crap.  I like thinking of what I am putting into my body as fuel.

Beef fajita with capsicum & onion - delicious!!!!

And, my weight this morning... whoo hoooo... those scales just keep moving in the right direction!!!

1.5kgs gone this week already!  Yippee!

Onwards & downwards... BRING IT ON BIATCHES!!!!!!

Bring It On!!!!

Back in May, a local newspaper did a story on hubby and I about our fundraising for the Ride to Conquer Cancer.  Of course they wanted photos of us with our bikes, but there was NO WAY I was going to get into bike shorts in a photo in the paper.  I was embarrassed enough that my big fat mug was going on display for all to see!

The Page 2 Article

To my absolute shock & horror, our picture & story appeared on bloody PAGE TWO!!!  Oh, the embarrassment when I received text messages from friends, when the Kinder teachers mentioned the article, when I walked into my work & the article was plastered up on the wall!!!!

One of the pictures I bought from the newspaper

I just received this picture above from the newspaper today.  We both look so puffy & tired, and I just can't believe that was us 6 weeks ago!  Thinking back to the embarrassment of the article in the paper, all I was thinking was that I didn't want anyone seeing how huge I am.  What way is that to live my life?  I should have been thankful that the paper was promoting Peter Mac, and the Ride to Conquer Cancer.   And all I could worry about was what people would say.  How very sad.

But, I am on to a new chapter in my life, and am just so grateful to Michelle Bridges and her program.  I am loving life!  I am living life!  This is how it should always have been!!!  I just cannot wait for what the future holds for me, my husband & our family.  BRING IT ON!!!

How Many Sleeps?

There is a HUGE couple of months coming up in my life, and I am getting so excited & anxious about them.  Have just worked out how many sleeps...

• 65 sleeps til we go to Perth for the 12wbt Finale

• 70 sleeps until my 40th Birthday!!

• 97 sleeps until we go on our Bali holiday (child free!)

• 115 sleeps until the 200km The Ride to Conquer Cancer Bike Ride

So excited that I will be taking these all on with less weight, a new look on life & hubby who is sharing this fantastic journey with me!!!

BRING IT ON!!!

Day 30...

WOW!!!  It is now exactly 30 days since we started this journey.  And weigh this morning was a loss of 2.1kgs!  Can I hear a whoop whoop?!?!?  Just absolutely amazed that I have lost a total of 8.7kgs in 30 days.  6.9% of my body weight!  And I am feeling bloody fantastic!!!  Why hadn't I stumbled onto "clean" eating before?

Quite amazingly, this clean eating has reduced our rubbish!  We usually have 2 full bins to put out on rubbish collection day, but now we only have one!  Isn't that interesting?  Less packaged food being eaten in this house, and it is having a positive effect on the environment as well!

Onwards & downwards.......

Sick :(

Came down with a cold really quickly.  Hit me like a ton of bricks on Saturday at work, then Sunday I lost my voice.  Didn't deter me from exercising & eating well though.  Saturday we had our PT session at 6.30am (loving our PT!!), and then I went for a short bike ride.  It was supposed to be a big bike ride, but I had my bike in for a service, and due to the bike shop owner being sick, he closed the shop & I couldn't pick the bloody thing up!!!  Yeah, thanks mate!  Borrowed a friend's bike, but it just wasn't happening!  Uncomfortable indeed.  Sunday was pouring with rain, so I walked laps of our underground carpark at work.  Although I didn't feel up to doing the stairs that I usually do, I was proud that I did at least walk for half an hour.
Hubby stayed home from work today to give me rest & look after the kids (it's school holidays).  I had a big sleep in and I've woken feeling so much better. I wonder if I got over this really quickly because of the excellent fuel I am currently running my body on?  Food for thought!
Speaking of food for thought, here are some of the delicious meals we've been having on the 12wbt.... nom nom nom.....

Tuna Niscoise Salad

Scrambled eggs & salad

Chicken & broccolini Laksa

Chicken Rice Paper Rolls

I think I forgot to mention that hubby's blog was one of the Top 10 inspirational blogs in a 12wbt competition.  He won a skincare gift pack, and a teapot & tea gift set.  How nice of him to win a couple of prizes for ME! haha!  So proud of him & his achievements in the last 4 weeks.  I am loving where this 12wbt is taking us as a couple!

My weight this morning - PLEASE LORD let it be this or LESS than this come Wednesday morning!!!  Whoop Whoop!!!

Stumbled across this hilarious post on a blog I read.... all parents (or parents to be) need to check this out for a chuckle..... Ten Things I Want to Tell New Parents