I've Got This

So, following on from my post this morning about "Choosing My Hard", let me give you a run down of my day, and how I chose my hard at about 12.30pm today.

I didn't get out of bed until 9am (God bless school holidays), and I stumbled out of bed to make myself a coffee.  Breakfast consisted of a slice of left over pizza from last night's dinner.  Not lovely homemade style pizza, but greasy kebab meat with garlic sauce pizza.  I finished the pizza, and chased it down with another coffee, and a chocolate biscuit.

I then decided to "spoil" the kids and bought them McDonald's for lunch.  I drove down and bought it for them.  They love McDonald's.  I don't.  But when I saw the 4 year old's left over Chicken nuggets, I thought to myself "bonus" and chomped on one.  Half way through, I decided enough was enough.

I chose my hard then and there.  I have felt crap about my myself for the last week or so.  To be honest, I felt pretty crap about myself in Bali as well, but I just washed that feeling down with another Bintang.  It's the same feeling I had when I weighed 125-135kgs and couldn't look at myself in the mirror.  Or when I did see myself, or saw a photo of myself, I felt disgust.  That's the EXACT way I am feeling right now.  Disgust.  Disappointment.

So,  I stood at the kitchen bench & felt guilty that I was making myself some ham & salad wraps for lunch, and here I was "treating" them to that shit food.  They didn't need it, they didn't ask for it, I thought I was doing a good thing by them. An hour later, they were all hungry again.  Of course.  Shit empty food with no nutritional benefit to them.

So I had my yummy healthy wraps, and then decided to do some exercise.  I set the new season of Survivor up to watch on the PC (lurvvvveee Survivor!!), and I got on the xtrainer.  Oh, my beloved Xtrainer, how I love thee!  And how dusty you have become of late with no one paying you any attention!  30 minutes was all I could handle with my daily nausea getting the better of me.  235 calories I would not have burnt if I hadn't of chosen my hard right there & then.  And I will hopefully back this up with a stint on the spin bike later when not feeling so yuk.

This weightloss thing, this healthy eating & exercising thing, this staying focussed thing.... it's ALL in the mind.   And I am strong.  I can do this.

One day at a time.  One meal at a time.  One workout at a time. One positive decision at a time.

I've got this.

Onwards & downwards.....